Well. I think this post will be all about Andy unless I remember something else slightly important to say. Pretty sure last time I posted he was ignoring me. Well, we eventually talked and he was mad cause he thought I was ignoring him and that I hadn't said goodbye last time we were together. Which isn't true, he just didn't hear me. So I sucked it up and apologized for my part, and all he said was apology accepted, even though he ignored me right back.

      Anyways everyday since then, I text him and rarely get one back. He used to text me a bunch of sweet little messages everyday, but now, when he actually answers, it's short. He rarely picks up my calls. He doesn't stop by to see me at work anymore, and he used to like, everyday. He doesn't ask me to stop by after work anymore. I ask him what's wrong when I go and find him, and he says nothing. He's always busy with his friends, never has time to see me, doesn't seem very interested in my company anyways. But everytime I ask, he says everything is fine and he would tell me if something was wrong. I'm so confused, I don't even know what to think. Anybody have advice or an opinion on this one? I have no idea what to do. I really like him, and I don't know what's going on.
music. unsent - alanis morissette





      Well, apparently bad things come in threes. Not so. They come in large costco-size packages as well. I ditched my car, the boys helped me get it out. My CD's got stolen out of my car because someone didn't lock the passenger side door after I asked them to. That's like 150-200 CD's. All my fucking CD's are gone. Then I lost my wallet. Then ICBC sent me a letter notifying me that buddy I backed into last May has now claimed it or whatever, and I have thirty days to pay $1200 to ICBC. I had to cancel my road test because of snow and other things, I have a speeding ticket to pay or possibly lose my liscense because of it. Just-- argh. And I'm broken up still over this fucking business that I don't EVEN want to talk about. Because I said I was over it. And it fucking bugs me still. A lot. I'm told I'll be fired every other day because I have a problem that the manager's brother gets away with shit nobody else does. Sucks being the one employee willing to stand up to boss-man. Everyone else just talks about him behind his back. Apparently I'm anemic, which is where my craving for raw broccoli is coming from. Would also explain why I feel like napping every couple of hours. Just I feel so fucking wasted. Andy is fucking moody. I don't know if I see it going anywhere. I feel slightly overwhelmed by everything lately. My mom is constantly on my case about my bills and the ever-mysterious 'money i owe her,' (although she can never tell me why?) Something good has to happen now, right? Please?
music. sweet escape - gwen stefani feat. akon





      So it's like everything is a haze. Everything with Chris is this thing that doesn't even seem very real to me anymore. When we were happy is this far off thing, some distant memory. And when it got bad, well it doesn't even seem like that was real anymore. It just kind of makes me sad. And now with Andy, it's like we've known each other for years, we're just that comfortable together. But I can't really remember things being this good... and so I am having so much trouble grasping this idea that I'm happy, that there are no problems, that this person feels the same way about me as I do about them. It seems so strange. I suppose that's what I meant by too good to be true. I feel like I'm in a dream, that I'm not really living at all. All these things have happened in this incredibly short time span. I'm having so much trouble knowing what to make of it. I am so wary of this happiness that I was not expecting. I think I may have unintentionally put up walls. I don't know. I am so confused... but I'm okay with that.
music. new kid - finch





      Soo... last night on my way to Seventy, I got a speeding ticket. I'm not going to say how fast I was going. Well, I can't, I have no idea and the cop didn't tell me. Needless to say he let me off with the minimum charge, but thats too many points on my liscense, so I'll lose that and now I can't get into my paramedics program for five years now. This sucks ass. HOWEVER. My class five is this Thursday. If I pass, they can't take my liscense. If I dispute my ticket, I might still be able to get into my program, and not ruin my life. I hope this works. I think I'm going to go to the copshop tomorrow and see if I can talk to the officer about the situation. I think I might get some leway considering it's school related. Hopefully.

      In other news, Andy asked me out.. this morning. I am le tres excited! Things are going really well and still VERY slow. Amazingly slow, I can't even believe it hahaha :) It's good though. I most definately bought an "aerobics pole" from Stock Exchangers today. Yes. Plain english, it's a stripper pole, so I will have a new talent soon. It will be amazing. Then I will offer lessons to my friends who are female. And maybe Chris. Nevermind, I don't really like Chris, therefore, I do not really want to see him outside of work. I hope he quit-quits soon. He's still there. Chris, though, would be a good pole dancer I bet, since gaydar goes off when he's around.

      Uhh, in other news... I don't remember. Oh right, I'm going for coffee with Emerson soon. Cooool. And it's Philma's birthday today and I ran into him at the mall. Where I spent some money on some cute shoes and a shirt... there goes my car insurance money. FUCK. MONEY IS EVIL! The mall is the root of all evil. Uh, yeah. Working all night tonight and I am sleepy and have a tummyache cause I stayed at Andy's last night and he snores and steals blankets. So I was awake and I ate some chocolate and watched Fight Club.
music. maneater - nelly furtado





      So when you meet someone new and you think they're pretty cool, and then you find out about what they were like before you met them, and well, it's pretty crazy. Like... a huge turn-off and not what you look for in a relationship AT ALL, what do you do? Do you just jump in anyways and hope that the person has changed? Like, I'm stuck here. Really liked this guy. Found out some stuff-- from said person bragging, nonetheless. Totally turned me right off. Like to the point of basically not even being interested anymore. How do you know if that stuff is in the past for sure. I just don't want to ignore -again- what could be early warning signs.
music. new found glory - coming home





      Just a short one to say what's up. Not home very much lately. I forgot what it was like to be in a relationship where the other person likes you just as much as you like them! You're never alone, you want to be spend every waking moment with them! But I'm trying to keep my head about it. Things are going really well and we're taking it SUPER slow. By my standards, at least, haha! We're crazy about each other, but I'm being really careful. I don't want to go where I went last time so, yeah, I'm being careful. This year has started out with lots of new things, so everything is just looking up. New wonderful person in my life, new situation at work that's going to make it a lot better, baby on the way for my best friend... life is good. Really really good. My new years resolution is to get on with SG, so I'm still working hard on that. Bought some stuff today to use.

      So we'll just close it up here. Things are going really good. I am happy and content for the first time in a long time. I'm not looking back on the thing that fucking tore me up last year. I realized even though he had forgiven me, I haven't forgiven him yet. I hadn't realized that I harboured so much resentment. And I'm not ready to go there yet, so for now, I'm going to put it out of mind. I'm gonna go experiment with my new lights. See you kids later. PS. I wish I was in a band...
music. familiar landscapes - new found glory





      I am so tired right now. Like ridiculously tired. I should probably go to bed, but it's still early for me, and I'd like to sleep through the night/early morning. So a couple days ago, my manager basically says since I value my job so much, I should probably work new years eve. So I ended up working new years eve until two in the morning. After which I picked up a rather drunk Andy and went down to 70Below to meet Alyssa and Kaylee. Emerson was there and he talked to me. I miss him. So I danced and stayed up most of the night. It was open til four, I went to A&W after and then to Andy's.

      Not much else to say. I really like Andy. But I am definately petrified considering how fucking burned I got by the last guy. Not on purpose... just feels like I'm overanylizing everything and being super cautious. Good thing maybe, I dunno. I'm so tired I'm like blanking out. Still trying to upload that photoset, the site was down for a while. Blah... this probably isn't even making a whole lot of sense. I'm bitter and kinda pissed off today anyways.
music. judith - a perfect circle