More than anything, I'm scared. Absolutely terrified that you really are too good to be true. Scared of the possibility that after all this, I might not even be able to have you. But than, I am so excited because you are simply amazing. Gahhh, I feel crazy. Not used to having to wonder if someone is genuine or not. ... :)
music. underoath





      So. All I have to say is WOW. I just had a wonderful evening/night last night. Definately met someone very cool... the image that I had gotten from EVERYONE else definately was not the way he turned out to be. We had a fire up on Dumont and I saw some people I know, ordered some pizza from Lee. We played hide and seek with the jeeps downtown, and we watched Underworld, which I had never seen. Definately lovin' the vampires. Yeah, so wow, I am very pleased... hopefully it's mututal. I am so impressed/happy/...all good things. I love how suprising some people can be.
music. hayling - layer cake soundtrack





      Mhm, so I thought I would update. So, most exciting news; I was sitting around all by myself last night cause my family went to Cobble Hill while I was sleeping, so I woke up and decided to take some photos of my somewhat colored half sleeve, and then I ended up doing an entire photoset. I'm pretty stoked on it, it looks better (IMO) than the other two that I've had shot OF me. Because I was shooting them, with no tripod, the angles were kind of limited, but I think they turned out pretty good anyways. Just a simple on the bed set, but if it'll get me in, I'm good to go. Anyways, so I'm going to send them in the next few days. I took so many, like, 330, and sent 102.

      In other news, Andy called me on Christmas Eve while I was at work, and said he would stop by on boxing day. That was pretty cool. Chris and Josh were in a bad mood after that? Umm, today I took Josh to get the nape of his neck pierced and he went off about how he didn't even want it, so I'm kinda in a bad mood now.

      Christmas was nice. Kayley wasn't here and my grandparents were so it was a bit different. My parents woke me up at nine AM and dragged me upstairs. I was so tired! If anyone cares about gift hauls, I got some really cool stuff; a QUESIDILLA MAKER, a lift pass, a photo umbrella, some giraffe stuff, a book, and a lil bit of chocolate. Around noon I went back to bed and slept until like seven thirty except I kept having sexy dreams.... interesting, let's not get into it. Then I got up, had some sparkling apple juice and went back to bed. I'm guessing the apple juice induced the HORRIBLE nightmare about me being shot at by indians and then drowning. I woke up really disorientated. It was creepy.

      So basically, in the end, I slept all Christmas away, took some SG shots, died in my dreams, and yeah. Now I'll be heading to work.
music. four to the floor - layer cake





      So I figured it was close enough to the end of the year to post this. Maybe I'll fall in love in the next six days... but I really doubt it. It was definately an interesting year. And a very short one, but nevertheless, an important one that I will absolutely never forget. This year was a year about growing up and changing. Some of it sucked ass, but overall, I would say it was good, if for nothing else than a learning experience. Tasha's person of the year award goes to Christopher. Thanks for teaching me a lot about life and myself. Merry Christmas.

stayed single the whole year
got your first kiss
kissed someone new
made-out for the first time
made-out in/on a car
kissed in the snow
kissed in the rain
fell in love
had your heart broken
broke someone else's heart
had a stalker
had a good relationship with someone
questioned your sexual orientation
came out of the closet
gotten pregnant
gotten someone else pregnant
had an abortion
gotten married
had a divorce
had a gay marriage
kissed someone of the same sex
dated someone you'll never forget
done something you've regretted
lost your true love
lost faith in love
kissed under mistletoe
got a promotion
got a pay raise
changed jobs
lost your job
quit your job
dated a co-worker
dated your boss
dated your boss' daughter/son
got fired from your job
got straight As
met one teacher you really like
met one teacher you really hated
found the subject you love
failed a class
cut class
skipped school
got into a fight with a classmate
did something you were proud of
discovered a new talent
gave the teachers a reason to teach
proved yourself an idiot (probably)
embarassed yourself in front of the class
fell in love with a teacher
got a lead in the school play
made a varsity team
went through a major change
were involved in something you'll never forget
got sent to the office
painted a picture
wrote a poem
ran a mile
listened to music you couldn't stand
double-dipped
skinny-dipped
posed nude
went to a sleepover
went to camp
threw a surprise party
laughed till you cried
laughed till you peed in your pants
flirted shamelessly
visited a foreign country
visted a foreign state
cooked a disasterous meal
lost something important to you
got a gift you adore
bought a vehicle
realized something new about yourself
went skydiving
went bunjee jumping
got a tattoo
went on a diet
tried to gain weight
dyed your hair
came close to losing your life
someone close to you died
went to a party
drank alchohol
drank alchohol underage
did drug(s)
got drunk
got arrested
read a great book
saw a great movie
saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
saw your favorite band/artist live
saw someone famous in person
did something you want to tell everyone
had an amazing year
had a horrible year
enjoyed this





      Know what sport requires no equiptment? Parkour. So I saw Casino Royale a few weeks ago. It was amazing, and one of the beginning sequences is this terrorist trying to escape doing free running, parkour, whatever. It was hot. It was sexy, and I wanted to do it. Maybe not do it on a construction site a few hundred feet in the air, but I wanted to do it nonetheless. And I will. It's fucking amazing and is going to take lots of practice. But hey-- so will freebording, and the only reason I can't do that is cause I can't afford a $400 board. I CAN afford to break an arm attempting parkour though. Go look on Youtube. You will understand. And yes-- I am more than aware that I will most likely injure myself in the next few days trying this. Parkour turns me on.
music. fergaliscious - fergie





      And that, my friends, is how I begin everything. Look. Here's the thing. Similar to, "in other news." Anyways. To make a long story short. Keegan and Seve went next door to Stock Exchangers and told the cute guy HORRIBLE LIES about me and now I can never show my face there again. To make matters worse, he came by later WHILE I was at the store and said he would see me at Seventy, and then he never showed up. Actually. That's probably a good thing.

      The point of it all is: It's Sunday morning and I haven't slept. Yesterday I: sat on Ryan, went dancing UTI, hung out with Olly, talked to KEVIN from Stock Exchangers, and then most definately drove to the Hornby Island ferry with Frazer and got home at the stroke of... seven am. Then I went to "bed," but not really if you know what I mean. It's tough sleeping next to ALYSSA. She's dreamy.
music. i would probably die if i heard music right now.





      So I was just reading over the news and such and I came upon this slideshow of hunting pictures that viewers had sent in. There were like forty pictures of men, women, children, entire families holding up these dead fucking dear. Hunting is fucking-- I can't even believe it's legal. I can't believe it's a "sport." Who the hell decided that shooting dear with guns or fucking crossbows qualified as a fucking sport. I'm sure that quite often, the dear aren't even killed cleanly. I'm sure many a time, the hunter has messed up and only wounded the fucking thing. How is that even human? How do people live with themselves. Animals feel pain. All the pictures had these cutesy captions like, "Family bags first dear of the season," and this family with three kids of varying ages are holding this bloody dear. Little kids are being taught that killing animals is okay. Didn't we determine that many serial killers abused animals as children? How that fuck does that make ANY sense. Teach your kids to do something other than killing animals. People make me so fucking sick.





      Jesus. This is going to be a long post. Ok. Janelle's party was last Saturday. It was cool. My dad came home from being away in Kelowna for a few weeks. He brought me back this awesome giraffe pillow. It's green. I love giraffes so much. I will get a giraffe tattoo someday and it will be awesome. Um. Janelle's party went well. Josh and I met up with everybody at MGM where they were already wasted. I decided I wasn't drinking. I just friggin' hate drinking. It's not for me. So we all went to 70Below and I was pretty bored being the only sober one, so me and Josh went to get smokes and then we came back, then I had a better time, but managed to get Janelle pissed off at me. I suck. And I procrastinate super bad, and haven't even talked to her about it yet. Sorry Janelle. It's seriously so messed up when you wake up, go to work, and come home at like early hours of the morning. And I don't feel like apologizing over text messages. Anyways.

      So I decided I really wanted my sternum/cleavage pierced too. So I was going on and on about it, and finally Josh decided he was getting it for me for an early Christmas present. We went there on Monday and Tuesday but nobody was there to do it. Finally on Wednesday, we went and Roland did it for me. It was really weird. Not painful like any of my other piercings, but they basically punch these two holes in your skin and it's this immense pressure, and so you're just waiting for this pain to account for all the pressure but it never comes. It's just a really weird feeling having this piece of metal sitting up against your sternum. Anyways, I totally love it and showed it off to everybody later that night. Let's backtrack.

      On Monday, after failing to get pierced, Josh and I went to Vancouver to pick up Alyssa. We left on the twelve thirty ferry and didn't get there until four fifteen. Over four hours on the ferry! The waves were so big. Water was splashing up all over the front windows of the ferry. It was crazy. The swells were so big and it was SO windy. Josh and I went outside on the deck for a little bit and man, it was kinda scary, considering I am definately afraid of deep water. The ferry was listing so much, and then when we were docking, the ferry kept slamming into the sides of the docking area. When we were getting off on the passenger walkway, you could see it sliding up and down the deck. I was like, "ahh, get me off this thing!" Hahaha, so anyways, the trip just gets better. New paragraph.

      So, because our ferry is so late, and we're supposed to have picked up Alyssa half an hour ago, Josh and I are kinda in a hurry. We go and check the bus schedual and find out we missed the last bus by about two minutes. We can either wait an hour for another one (and probably not get home that night) or, my bright idea, we can hitch hike. I don't give Josh much of a choice-- we're hitch hiking. So we start walking in this gale force (not even kidding, Josh and I could barely walkk) down the road sticking our thumbs out at the ferry traffic, when after only like two minutes, this guy who is parked in the parking lots honks at us and waves us over. He, Jeff, seems pretty cool. Says he'll drive us to the airport. Things only go downhill from here. New paragraph.

      So I sit up front, and I'm trying to be super friendly and stuff. Josh is quiet and probably with good reason. This guy is fucking nuts! Turns out he just got divorced and has been sitting here watching the "beautiful" waves crash for about four hours. Pretty sure this guy has had a little too much drink, or it currently OD'ing on something. He's all over the map. He drives his minivan like a race car. We almost get in an accident at least five times. Still, I'm trying to be friendly so he doesn't flip out and kill us. Let me just give you the highlights. I'm laughing nervously and he's laughing with me and all of the sudden, he's like, "don't you ever stop laughing!?" really mean, he just snaps at me. It was scary. And then he was all happy again. At one point, he asks Josh, "Jason, (??) what's your favourite thing?" Josh has no fucking idea what he's talking about, and so Jeff suggests, "Love, happiness, nurturing?" He then asks us if we still have our dads and asks Josh if his dad tells him he loves him. Josh says not really, and the guy clams up and starts rubbing Josh's knee. He tries to teach me this phrase in Spanish that says, "Go with God." FINALLY, we arrive at the airport. Jeff says he'll wait right here until we get back so he can drive us to Horseshoe Bay, since we missed the last Duke Point ferry. He says he has nothing better to do. Did I mention he gave me and Josh sixty bucks? He asked us if we had any money and we said no, thinking he'd want some, and so he gave us sixty bucks and told us money didn't buy happiness. To make a long story short. We found Alyssa and got the fuck out of there. Jeff is probably dead. What a psycho. But hey-- we got a free ride to the airport and sixty bucks.

      The three of us bussed to Horseshoe Bay and Alyssa and Josh got stuck on the bus after I got off at our stop. Alyssa started screaming and I had to go to the next stop to get them. We caught the last ferry home. Alyssa slept at my house and I decided to go out with Olly for a while. We're in his car talking at Swylana, and I'm telling him I don't want a meaningless relationship, and he's telling me he doesn't want a relationship. I told him I'm not the kind of girl who likes to just mess around and he's like, really, because you have tattoos and are doing the SG thing, I thought you would be that kind of girl. Guess I'm one of a kind, eh? Anyways, I don't think I've seen him since then.

      Wednesday night was the staff party. We went cosmic-formal bowling. It was pretty cool. I drank and hit on Chris. Stupid me. I got second place, I am awesome at bowling. (not so much) Alyssa kicked everyone's asses. After bowling, we went to Chris' house where I drank some more. Which is such a chore, since I hate drinking. Sunk into the depths of despair over Chris and chilled out on the couch. He came and talked to me, and cried and it was really nice... at the time. He meant it on a friendship level, I took it on an I really love you still level. Ah, drinking, I hate you. So that ended... badly I guess. But hey, I'll live. Hahaha... funny story. Anyways, for secret santa, I got Keegan a fake vagina from Source Adult. It was awesome. It got fisted by EVERYONE. Keegan got me some awesome stuff, including strawberry penis candy! I slept over at Chris' and dealt with drunk Josh. (which is never fun)

      The next morning, I drove Alyssa back to P-Ville and it was mad-snowing. I could barely drive in it. Thank God that stopped. Driving in slippery slush is no fun either though. Andrew from Stock Exchangers is sooo cute. I have a mad crush on him. And I have never spoken a single word to him. He is so pretty. He checks me out hehe, I love catching him doing it. Um. Right, so at work the next day, I am totally choked about Chris and everything and it's intensified by my SADS (I hate that sounding like an excuse, I don't mean it to be that way, I'm just trying to explain.) and so I just flipped on him and told him I hated him and blah blah blah, no actually it was really bad and horrible. So he sent me home and some really bad stuff happened and I came back to the store and was totally just having the worst episode-- ever. Ever. Never had it that bad. Serioiusly considered admitting myself again. I ended up going home, even though I didn't want to. Too emotionally exhaused to do anything stupid. Thank God. Woke up feeling tired and still-- emotionally exhausted. What a bad, bad night. I really need to get some help with that because I can't deal with it by myself.

      Worked a close again tonight. Worked on my story/book/writing again. I really like writing. I like gettin everything down on paper. I just wish it didn't take so long. I wish everything that's in my head could just be on paper right now. The process is going to take forever! Anyways. So I'm a pretty good mood today. These polar opposites are fucking killer. I was so hyper today. Chris probably thinks I'm a total psycho. I stopped by Ian's Men About Town party and say Bryan. I love him. Also Adam, the man whore from the mall. He also is so pretty. Why does he have to be such a whore? Someday. Someday I will find a wonderful man and fall in love. Until then, I will-- "have a crush on every boy!"

      I bought my mom's Christmas gift today. A girl came into Domino's selling spa things and so my mom gets to go to the spa four times or something. Thank God that came along, because I had no idea what to get her. I definatly would like some photo stuff or a gift certificate to Chapters so I can buy some books, or tattoo, piericing stuff. You know. I'm not too hard to buy for. Not that I need anything-- I really don't. I can't believe Christmas is so soon. I seriously do not have any shopping done. Thank God for the way I get paid at Domino's, or I would be totally screwed. I have my next tattoo appointment on the twenty-second, hopefully I can pull that off. I really want my tat finished so I can started on a new one :) Idea's anyone. Right now, I'm really hooked on some sort of a working class tattoo. (again) Really bright colors with sparrows and some sort of machinery or something in the background with a banner that says "for the workforce united," or something. Thank you, Thursday. This post is fucking huge. Sometime soon, I'm going to do one of those what have you done this year and my new years resolutions. Oh, I got some good ones this year.

      Josh and I are going to take a new set of SG photos soon I think. I'm really excited about it. I want to get accepted so badly. Jarred asked me to do him a favour today that is rather risky. I was gonna do it, but he never called me back, which sucks, cause I really could have used the money. Anyways, my hands are tired and this is getting hard to type. 70Below tomorrow with Alyssa again! Yay, it's been such a long time. Also, I'm finally going to see Johnny Good play at Cyber City. I've never seen them before so I'm pretty stoked. Chris asked me to close tomorrow, but I am definatly not okay with that. I've had this Saturday planned for quite some time. In closing. Damien from Tranceformations is sexy. I love him, and I want him to put holes in me... he's a piercer... that's what he does. FUCKING GOODNIGHT!
music. the entire new-- new found glory CD





      Type "(Your name) looks like" into google and post the best results.
"Tasha looks like a hot pickle"
"Tasha looks like she could cut glass with those nips of hers!"
"Tasha looks like a cross between Natalie Portman & Kate Beckinsale."
"Tasha looks like her mom."
"Tasha looks like she could love me."
"Tasha looks like she was a beautiful and sweet girl."
"Tasha looks like a strung out prostitute evertime i saw her on that show she looked like the epitome of white trash....no class..."
"Tasha looks like a well wrapped gift in red latex and black satin."
"Tasha looks like she put on weight."
"Tasha looks like she's hitting on the pirate."
"Tasha looks like an awesome dog."





1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & color of underwear)
Misty Blue

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Peanut Butter Eminem

3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
TDuf

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)
Green Giraffe

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Lilaine Sidney

6. YOUR STAR TREK NAME: (1st 3 letters of last name, first 2 letters of first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
Duftaans

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
Brown Milk

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Bill Gareth

9.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle names)
Annette Patrick

10. JEDI NAME (middle name backwards, mom's maiden name backwards)
Enialil Snave
music. this aint a scene - fall out boy





      Yep, this is my 400th post. Pretty exciting. Just wanted to say that I really need some wigs. I want a new hairstyle already. I love dreads, but just for a couple days I want a thin short black faux-hawk... and then after that I want a shaggy blonde cut with long bangs. I just spent mucho moola on this hair I've got now, I will never be satisfied! Oh the possibilties. Whatever. I've got my whole life to have wicked-awesome hair.
music. degausser - brand new





      So I just got home from Loren's, and found an e-mail from the people I sent the photos in to. They got rejected, I need better lighting and more angles apparently. That's cool with me. I wasn't super happy with the first ones, I was just eager to get them in. But we have a way better idea for the next set. Way way cooler, with more of a theme to it. Yeah, still with the can't-say-much about it. Never really know who reads this. People who would disaprove for sure. Maybe someday I'll announce.. when I'm moved outta my house haha, which hopefully will be (again) Jan/Feb with the lovely Lys.

      In other news, I got this burning desire to take hold and be in control of everything today. Don't settle for anything. Do only exactly what I want to do, and make sure things turn out the way I want them to. Be the first to leave, be the one that cares the least. Don't let anyone ever have any power over me. Always be in complete control of every situation. That all sounds horrible, but you can take it however you will. I'm sick of having my feelings walked all over and I realized it doesn't have to be that way. I just have to be the one that loves the least, where it matters.

      I started writing today. Just gotta make sure I keep going with it. Realized how much I was trying to hold on to a friendship with someone I don't even particularly like. Realized how easy I was getting by. Realized how I basically can't stand them. Don't ever let anyone control your feelings. Make sure you're always in control of your feelings. That's how I'm living for the next while at least. I know someday it will change when I meet the right person. But for now, the walls are going up.
music. degausser - brand new





      Right, so I guess we can see what Tasha's new favourite song is? I've been listening to it straight for like two days now. It's good. New layout, woohoo :) Man, I need some new hobbies away from the computer. Hahah, yeah right, like that's ever gonna happen. Yesterday was my day off, people are coming at me from everywhere with bills that I can't pay :( Somebody buy my truck, $400. Pleease, I need the money or nobody's getting any Christmas presents. And then I can't move out when Alyssa comes back and we become roomies! She's back in like a week or so... stoked!

      Mmm, last night I hung out with Chris for the first time in a while. It was fun. We went to the mall and went balla hat shopping, but he didn't like any of them, even though most of em looked good. Then we bought a Count Chocula shirt for his dad and I bought a chocolate orange. Tried to figure out multiple exposures, but to no avail, then we saw Borat and at one point with the naked wrestling, I like grabbed Chris because I was struck with horror. Anyways, so it was cool feeling like I was actually worth enough to want to spend some time with outside of work.

      Olly came over last night and I was having a really bad epidsode and so I was writing in my journal thing and then I felt better and I talked about with him and it was sorta okay. So anyways, point is I wanna write a book or something about well, man, I don't even like really talking about it on here. I dunno, my journey with SADs as a teenager? I dunno. Anyways, nobody laugh. I like writing and I can only write about stuff I know about. I don't really need a boy/man right now. I just want my lady to come home :)
music. this aint a scene - fall out boy





      So figured I should update, since I have nothing better to do while I hang around the house, with my flu not really getting any better. Man. Everyday it's different. Went through the sore throat, the aches and pains, now I'm into the I can't breathe or see straight. Cute. I know. Ugh. I wanted to go snowboarding today, and thought maybe I'd be outta it by now, but I woke up just still feeling like crap. So no go. I wanna get my cleavage pierced now, but Damien just took two weeks off or something, and I definately want him to do it. Hehe :) Don't really know what to say. I'm happy and things are getting easier in a certain area. A friend of mine is preggo! I'm going to be an aunty. More deets eventually when I get permission. I hope/think it's a girl. I'm so stoked like you wouldn't even believe. Uh yeah, can't think straight today, having a hard time spelling. Too much cold meds I guess. Maybe I'll make some arttt or something. After mall time with Chris for HAT SHOPPING.
music. teenage dirtbag - wheatus





      Alright, so I totally came down with the flu today, so this post is gonna be short. I got my tattoo worked on today. The black outlining is done. It looks pretty awesome. Janelle came with me. Damien was working. He is soo cute. We talked to Dave about him, and it came up that I am basically a creepy stalker. I can't help it that I saw him driving! Anyways, did some devious detective work whilst getting my nose ring tightened. Definately have to tell Dave about that soon. Definately need to go back to Tranceformations soon... maybe get a piercing "just for the hell of it." Dave was pissed that he doesn't have an accent. Getting color done on the 22nd, maybe even getting the tat finished? Pro pics courtesy of Dave in January. Damien has hot hair. Got super sick while at work, my leg is not functioning. Feel like death. Snowboarding on Monday I hope! Bedtime.
music. smack that - akon feat. eminem