Where do I fit into all this. What impact do I make? What am I supposed to be doing. Who the hell am I? I hate these days. Choice, Tash, choice. Fuck. I hear it all the time and it's true, but sometimes I just wanna feel. What AM I supposed to be doing. I wonder if it's something more than this. Need something to take my mind off things. Need a change of scenery. Need to get away. Am I running away from my problems? Maybe. I wouldn't know where to go. Maybe some new friends would help. Don't know how to make those. Doing okay though. Maybe hangout with some boys tonight. Maybe be awkward. Maybe overanylyze and forget to have a good time. Why do my parents hate me. Not hate. Why do they dislike me so much. I'm not a perfect kid, but I'm an okay one. I'm not paranoid. I swear to God my mom hates me at least. Severley dislikes. Karma. Whatever it is. I deserve every bit of shit I suppose. Think you're invincible, until that one person proves you're not. This is a fucking weird ramble.

      What I'm doing to him, he's doing to me. I thought it was different, but maybe not so much. Why am I such a bitch? I don't mean to be really. I'm just selfish I guess. Seriously. Too optimistic for my own good. No, reading this I would say too pessimistic. But really I'm both. But I daydream and they always have happy endings. I don't know how to feel anymore. Why can't people just tell you how they feel about you? Why do they have to say things behind your back and be nice to your face. Why did I fuck up? I'm sad. Really sad. I cried for the first time in a while today. You were so mean. How can you be that mean to somebody who only wants good things for you. Eating my words now. I guess everyone sees it from the perspective they choose. If I put myself in his shoes, I don't stand a fucking chance. Maybe it's time to buck up and realize that.

      Everyone's going. I'm going to be stuck here, by myself. Then what will I do? I like Nanaimo. I just don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I'm too dependent on people. When did that happen? I was always the loner. To never fall in love, to never fall in love again. Today is a bad day. Gotta work tonight. Sorry about the ramblings. Nobody said you had to read it.
music. hypnotize - system of a down