I can't sleep, I can't eat. I feel sick all the time. I take one bite of food and can't eat anymore. I have no appetite. I want to be by myself. I want to sleep all the time. Jokes aren't funny. Being around you is hard. I can't do it. I have to pretend to be somebody else and I'm no good at it. I want to break down and cry but you say I can't because it makes things harder for you. I can't do this. I can't do it again, I couldn't do it the first time. It hurt so bad. God, I just want to hit things. And throw things, so I do, and I look psycho.

      Oh God I can't do this again. It feels the same, and I'm scared. I just want to sleep all the time because then I don't have to deal with it. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want stupid condolences and advice, I just wanted to be happy. I don't want to do this again. I don't know what to do. This feels like forever.