So today I was woken up by Alyssa, who had to tell me something, so we went out for coffee. And she told me and I thought I took it pretty well. She said he was drunk, but he really wasn't considering he was driving later that night. And the people that need to know the rest of the story, already do. Anyways, after that I had to go straight to work. About half an hour in, it really set it, and I freaked right out. I would be crying while I was driving, and I just felt like I was going to be sick. Then I started getting the shakes, and twitching, which I do when I'm freaking out about something. Then my heart started beating funny and fluttering, so Loren let me go, and Josh took me to the hospital.

      At the hospital, it got even worse. Everyone in the waiting room probably thought I was on drugs, cause I couldn't stop cracking all my knuckles, and my feet and neck were twitching, and I was wringing my hands. It was terrible. Then I would lose my breath and man, it feels like someone just punched you really hard when that happens. Finally I saw the Triage nurse. She told me that she was reccommending me to the Psych Ward, and then I started crying. I got my hospital band and then went in to talk to a councillor for a few minutes. He told me I should come in for some free counsilling, and I'm supposed to go in on Monday. He asked me if I kept a lot of things bottled up. And well -- anyone who knows me, knows I don't particularly like to deal with things when they're happening.

      Then I went and talked to another doctor, and I just started crying uncontrollably and he was asking about my home life, my boyfriend, school, work. My sleep issues came up. And he asked if my family has a history of thyroid problems, which we do, my Nana has it. He said that would explain a lot, and that I probably have some sort of anxiety related disorder. That's great. He asked me about drugs, and my meds. He gave me Adevin and it really calmed me down. He gave me another one for later too. Then I got some bloodwork done. They took about five vials and my arm was numb all night after that. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to make an appointment with my family doctor to get the results of my blood tests. Should be fun finding out I have some other serious illness. So thanks Dad for S.A.D's, thanks Mom for asthma, and thanks Nana for anxiety or panic disorder or whatever I happen to have.

      So now I'm officially crazy and have to talk to people about how I feel because I have a problem and I'm stressed out all the time, I just don't realize it, so my body freaks out to get my attention. So yeah, I'm in therapy because of this. Wish me luck, maybe I'll find out I had a REALLY fucked up life and I never even realized it. This is fucking driving me insane. FUCK YOU. I feel like shit right now, I'm so tired and I feel like jello, and I'm fucking starving. I'm going to bed, hopefully I won't wake up anytime soon. Although considering I apparently don't deal with my issues, maybe it won't matter.
music. covered in cowardice - billy talent II