Got home a little while ago. Supposed to go to Erin's party. Shit. I seem like a bad friend. I'm so fucking tired, I feel like I'm going to die. Chris was in a bad mood at work, which upset me, but then he called and apologized so I felt better. Also, Josh called me but he had to go pick someone up. Jared came online and I started talking to him, only to find out that I was talking to Phil. So we talked for some time, and he said some things that suprised me and yeah, we'll leave it there.

      Candace and I hung out for a little bit, and she told me something funny. Hehehe, it made me laugh. Candace, you are awesome. You are me. But better. Ok, anyways the thing I forgot to say before is that Chris bought me tickets to go see Matt Good at the Port Theatre! I am SO excited! I finally went out and bought In a Coma, and of course, it is excellent, Be joyful, one of thew new songs, rocks. And yeah. So.. that is on April 19th I think. Anyways, this cold is doing me in. I should do something, like attempt to go out. Fuck, maybe I shold just go to bed. Maybe eat some crackers. Maybe think about...
music. all hail the heartbreaker - the spill canvas





      Best song ever. Well, Panic! at the Disco, has no bad songs. Seriously, that CD is genious, everyone should buy it or have it bought for them by someone who can't stand for everyone to not have it? IT is raining right now and I have to drive, so I'm glad it's only a supper because I absolutely hate driving in the rain, and Keith only made it worse the other day because he was doing like 150 down the highway and my knuckles hurt after that because I was holding the seat so tightly.

      In other news, my labret post is way too small and is embedding itself into my lip. It really hurts! So I was complaining about that all day yesterday. Also, after work, we all (Me, Keith, Chris, Katie, Josh, and Monica (the new boss whom I LOVE) went to 70Below and the bar tender who I also love, came over and ID'd us for the first time ever. Joshy was the only one underage so he got kicked out and we decided to all go to Monica's house. I went with her and on the way there she got pulled over by a cop for the first time ever and talked her way out of a ticket! It was awesome and her dog tried to eat the cop.

      Right, so at Monica's was fun. She probably KNOWS some things now hahaha. Dude, she is awesome. We drank (Ew, I almost died from the shots I had, thank God I'm not hungover!) Umm, and some other things as well. A first for me! How exciting! Keith was our DD, and he drove us all home around four-thirty or so. Then I woke up at nine, and eventually got out of bed around one, and had some waffles! They were awesome. Anyways, Candace and I are going to the mall today before I work at four, so I should go get ready. Also... Chris called me at... sometime when I was in bed but I don't really remember what we talked about. I got an e-mail this morning and I was happy. BAM!
music. there's a reason these tables are numbered, honey, you just haven't figured it out yet - panic! at the disco





      Well, I'm through being emo now. Chris and I broke up for lots of reasons, the biggest being that I'm so not ready to commit to anyone. I'm just starting to have fun being me, and I don't want to be tied down like that yet. Anyways, yeah, so I started hanging out with Loren and Josh a lot more, and Katie, but she doesn't like to stay overnight! Oh oh, the other night we had zombie fest. We watched Evil Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Army of Darkness. It was awesome, but it was also getting light by Army of Darkness and I was falling asleep. I found some new yummy coolers called Yuha! Yuha! Mmmm oranges and vodka. Dude, seriously, I have been drinking way too much lately. I need to cut back. Well, actually I don't need to since I do nothing but work right now, but I'm not a big drinker anyways.

      In other news, Matt or "Toga-Boy" (long story) works at Tim Hortons by Domino's now. So yeah, I ran into him the other day. That was interesting. He said he got fired after a 'sting' at Thrifteys haha. He's funny. He looks like this guy Ashley and I met at 70Below though, Jon, but he's gay and/or in love with Ashley. As were many of the guys that night. I would be jealous if they were... not... homosexual. Huh, we were going there like every night for a while there, but we kinda slowed down. Things between Alyssa and Keith kinda fell apart, and things got a bit strained between some people. Whatever, I'm still having fun. But yeah, we should go again? Cowboy night anyone?

      Oh right. Chris broke his hand... when was the last time I wrote in this? Whatever, I might be telling you again. Chris decided to pick a fight with a door while he was drunk and the door won and Chris was in the ER until six in the morning or something. Poor Chris. No more fighting with inanimate objects. Ooh, party for Erin tomorrow night. Hopefully I'm not working. Last night, I went grocery shopping since no one in my family ever does, and I'm seriously tired of eating pizza. Anyways, I said I was going to buy healthy food, but all the healthy food that I bought requires preperation, and wagon wheels are just way easier to eat. I am listening to the Beegees right now because they rock.

      Uh yeah. Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? Alright, so I have to go get my car from Chris because I fell asleep and he took my car yesterday. I'm still wearing my pajamas but that's okay. Josh might be working tonight. Yay! He and Loren got their hair cut and that's all I have to say about that. Someone e-mailed me today and that made me giggle cause he's pretty cute. Did I just say giggle? Yes. Yes I did. Good mood. Uh, listerine is my new Jesus. I'm still sick annnd I have to work until midnight tonight. Oh YES, I get to work with Seve! Anyways, I'm gross and I need a shower. Cheerio.
music. this is where i came in - the beegees





      Annnd I'm really not. Which is weird since everything's all different and well... not really confusing, which is why I'm not stressed I guess. Hmm, so I don't really know what to talk about. Work is good good good. Frazer's friend, Seve, might get hired next time a driver quits, which rocks because he's pretty cool and has dreads. Ummmm, yep, so working lots, sleeping in most days. I have two days off this week; Tuesday and Wednesday, so I gotta figure out something to do then. Candace came by the store today and she is awesome, so maybe we'll do 'something,' eh Candace?

      We went to the bar again on Friday night. That being me, Josh, Katie, Chris, Keith, Laine, and Laine's girlfriend. Then Chris got in a fight with a door and lost and broke his hand which is now in a half cast. So he spent most of the night at the hospital. People who I was having beefs with, I am no longer am, because I can't stay mad at people. So that was St. Patty's. Um, we also went last Tuesday and that was fun. Then we went back to Loren's and we played strip Monopoly. That was me, Megan, Josh, and Loren. Megan and I didn't know how to play so we just took our pants off. Then Megan... and possibly I, ended up completly naked after playing poker, with Megan chanting 'salsa.' So yes, interesting and very fun-filled night.

      So I decided that I'm going to write an entry like Alanis Morissette's "Unsent," wear she talks to all of her boyfriends or whatever and says what she thinks about them. Should be fun. Am I a shit disturber? No, I won't be too mean hahaha, yeah, so... that's about it. It's warm and it's starting to feel like Summer, or maybe Spring... I could go for that. I have one more pass to go boarding, and I really really wanna go soon. Also... I bought a new bathing suit and it is awesome. I look forward to wearing it and being sexy. Yeah and yeah.
music. panic! at the disco - a fever you can't sweat out





      Long story, short... undetailed version. Not so much that the secret was told, actually it doesn't really matter anymore. But things were sort of explained from my end, and then other party involved left. Then I might have text-messaged him because that's exactly what I was talking about, so then he tries to prove me wrong by calling me several times, and I, trying to force him to decide his/our fate, lets him break up with me. (that clears up the story now, eh?) So then he comes to my house and jumps on my bed at like fucking five o'clock in the morning going on about if this is what I want. No. No it isn't. Jesus, anyone should know better than to fuck with me when I'm tired. Needless to say I fucking got no sleep cause I had to go upstairs and lock myself in the guestroom so I could sleep. He finally left and left me a long note declaring his undying love for me and how he'll get me back and gave me the wrong middle name. My fucking middle name is NOT Loraine. Seriously that did not help. Anyways, not gonna lie, coming over and jumping on my bed was not a smart move, because now I am more pissed off than I was before.

      Standing up for what you want does not mean you get to annoy the other person. I really didn't think it was that hard of a concept to grasp, but maybe I give humankind too much credit.
music. you know what you are - nine inch nails





      Living dead girl? Ahh I love music. Sad songs make me an emo geek and Rob Zombie (for expample) makes me want to be some hardcore, sexy, goth chick. Maybe tomorrow night at Josh and Loren's going away party. We're getting... wasted. Well, I know I am at least, then I can be brutally honest... oh Lord. Maybe that's not such a good idea right now.

      Life is just as confusing as ever, I just refuse to do anything about it. For the reason that one, I don't want to lose my 'safety net,' and two, I don't think it's going to happen even if I really wanted it to. It's kind of depressing, but also not, and I know I'm not being fair at all, but when is life ever fair, shit, no I have no excuse, I just suck at life. Anyways.

      Work is... same old. Josh finished on Saturday so I am sad, pretty sure he's stopped in both days since then though haha :) The new boss, Monica, is a little more strict, but I still think she's pretty cool. I mean, there could be a LOT worse. She doesn't expect anything unfair, and yeah. She loves me, I think I'm her little pet, or her favourite or something. It rocks. Chris is the new assistant manager since Loren quit yesterday. That means we get to close together. It's been interesting so far. My boyfriend is my boss! Insert retarded noise here.

      Annnd I don't really know what to write about except secrets suck. At least, they would if I actually thought about it. But getting wasted tomorrow should clear it allll up.... I really shouldn't, but I probably will anyways. Hopefully I have enough sense at the end of the night to keep my mouth shut. Maybe. Depends on if I want to at that point. Whatever.... blah, I'm saying too much.
music. living dead girl - rob zombie





      Everyone should probably listen to 'Wings,' from the Brokeback Mountain Soundtrack. It's basically excellent. I've probably listened to it like over a hundred times today. Life is good, changing, different, confusing, wonderful, scary. I want to experience everything. I want things that I can't have. I have to make decisions that will affect the rest of my life, but right now I'm not worried about it. I'm at a good place, having fun with my friends every night. Meeting new people who just might turn my world upside down. Who knows. I'm not ready to settle down, I have so much to do, and so many more people to meet and places to go. I can't wait. This is just the beginning.

      I want to be swept off my feet... by friends and... certain people. I want to take the time to just sit back and watch the sky and I wish that music accompanied everything I did. Why can't my life be a blockbuster movie!? I would like to go for a walk on a warm night, in the rain, in a teeshirt, holding hands with my special someone. Ahh, I'm such a romantic. Someday, I'm sure these things will happen. Dammit, seriously, I WILL have my own soundtrack. They will go with pictures that I will take of all these lovely things. Life is beautiful in my head.
music. wings - brokeback mountain





      So yesterday was my first day delivering by myself. It went pretty well. I saw boobs because I had to deliver to a stripper at the globe because she was doing a dirty pizza girl routine or something? Anyways, so I called to tell her I was there and she wanted to see who I was so she told me to move back, and there she is in all her glory hanging out the second story window, waving at me. Later on that night, I delivered to the Shaw building where I got my hoodie trapped in an automatic door. That was fun. So that was my eventful night. Also, this supervisor guy stopped by and kicked Chris out of the store and was generally an asshole with no personality whatsoever.

      In other news, I'm trying to apply for a scholarship from my bank for two grand. But I need a professional contact and a personal contact to write something about me. So if anyone has any idea on who I can use? Oh and I need to figure some way that I volunteered at school. Ideas? Anyone? Pretty sure I didn't do much. But yeah... a scholarship would be helpful right about now. And I would have to get on that before May or something. Chris is back working on his damn play again. I can't wait until it's over. Ummm... yes. My life is so exciting, and I want some chocolate milk.
music. cry - philosopher kings





      Well, I'm feeling a bit better, a bit more social, a bit less nothing. But not all the way out yet. Chris and I watched Flight Plan yesterday. It was good until the end... then it got really bad. The JIBC e-mailed me, and so did a Barrie Morrison, the head of the paramedic academy. He wanted to personally thank me for sending such detailed feedback when they asked what they could do to make the EMR program better. That was pretty cool. I also got invited to do two days of a free refresher course in April and licensing, but I'm just gonna do the two days. I found a place to stay for me and Keith if he wants to go. And I found me a place to stay in September, and probably for Keith too -- if he wants to go.

      Blah, so I have to work tonight at Domino's and deliver pizzas by myself! I'm nervous. Strange houses.... scary stuff. But the bling... the bling keeps me going. Alyssa might come with me, so perhaps I will be okay. Um, I have to go get a physical assessment by a personal trainer done, so that I know where I'm at, and what I have to do to get in shape for the course. That could take a while. My grandpa is on the phone with my mom. My grandparents are in Australia, and I can't wait for them to get back so that my grandpa can meet Chris. Plus I miss him, so they'll be back in May. Anyways, I'm having trouble concentrating, so I'm gonna go chill out. Oh! I bought the Post Secret book yesterday. It's awesome.