So let's talk about some nice things first. Like my parents have decided to start my 'hope chest,' which is collecting things I'll need when I move out. So far, I have twelve glasses, plates, bowls, mugs, and cutlery. It's pretty awesome. We were looking at Next to New today and we saw a really nice table and four chairs for three hundred dollars. I also saw a couch and loveseat combo for a thousand. But I think I'll concentrate on getting my books for school first, which I am really really looking forward to.

      In other news, I ordered the Waking the Fallen CD at A&B Sound yesterday. Yay. I guess I'm late bloomer for good music. I've seen Janelle a bit, and I really want to go dancing tonight, but I don't know where she is. She's really one of the few people who actually wants to go clubbing. Well... except Phil, but he stopped by the store randomly and was like, "can you keep up with my moves?" It was actually rather funny, but I don't exactly want to hang out, best buds style with him.

      Hmm, Niki has just invited me to go to the Cambie tonight, but I wish to go DANCING. I suppose we shall head over to the topic of the title. Let's begin with a dude called Mike. Mike has done some awesome things for me, like taught me to drive standard, installed my stereo, stood up for me when the Phil thing happened. FOR WHICH I HAVE SAID MANY TIMES, I AM VERY THANKFUL. Anyways, Phil got a job at Slegg Lumber, which is where Mike works. Suddenly Phil is calling my cell everyday to complain about Mike, and trying to get me to tell him to back off. And Mike is e-mailing me about how annoying Phil is, and implying that he thinks I'm lying about the entire Phil incident.

      So anyways, when Phil called, I told him I didn't want anything to do with it. They're both adults and should be able to handle it themselves. So when Mike e-mailed me again, I said thank-you for standing up for me, I sincerly appreciate it, but I don't want to be some middle person in this, you guys can act like adults. I don't see how I said anything wrong? I don't want two grown men complaining to me daily about each other, especially when neither of them is really a friend of mine. Like I don't talk to either of them, so I don't see how complaining to me is going to resolve anything. I don't want to be a part of this fight, but I did thank Mike for standing up for me, and I forgave Phil for what happened. Like, can we just drop it now? If you guys still have a problem with each other... that's your problem.

      Also, they keep telling me, "oh everyone hates Phil," or "everyone hates mike, he's going to get fired," business. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. Just do your goddammed job and leave me out of it. I don't really want to relive that over and over everyday because two men are too prideful or whatever to just stay out of each other's faces. Or lie to me, whichever one it is, I don't care. So anyways, after I sent Mike the e-mail saying thank you for everything, but this is no longer my problem, please leave me out of it, he wrote me back asking for Phil's address and whatnot, which I wouldn't give him, and saying that I was a "real piece of work." WHERE THE FUCK does he get off saying that about me. So I got super pissed and wrote back, what the fuck is your problem, and I don't know what [she] sees in you (cause you're being a complete asshole). To which I just recieved this reply:

      "She sees a great guy, just like everyone else. You just can't see past yourself. You don't remember stuff like when i come over with no purpose other than installing your deck for you, and how quickly I jumped to your defence. Oh, and by the way, your history of people like dan and phil doesn't exactly speak to you being a good judge of character."

      Word for word. I just copied that out of the e-mail. Now I know what Keith's beef with Mike is all about. He makes absolutely no sense. I SAID I was greatful for those thing, none of that is my problem! I just wanted to be left out of his Phil beef. And then my judge of character? What does that even have to do with anything? I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS CONFLICT!? I'm not dating or talking to either of them anymore... I don't even think his e-mail made any sense. Anyways, I'm just ignoring it because I don't want a part in this, and I'm not going to pick a fight with my best friend's boyfriend, because I care about my best friend, which is why she knows exactly what I think of her choice.

      Oh, and Candace, if you have any problem with what's going on, and think that I've done something wrong, please come talk to me so that you don't get one half of the story, because God only knows that won't be the truth. Frig, so that's my last few days. Well... in other news, Chris is going on like no sleep lately and consequently being super moody, even if he doesn't notice it. Some other people have noticed it as well, but he gets really defensive when I mention it. So we were hanging out at Domino's yesterday and he was really grumpy, so some things happened, and I left and went to Timmy's with Keith, where we sat until four am this morning having a really really good talk. Got a lot of things out in the open and it was just really good. I feel a lot better about Keith now, I love him to death, and I can see where he's coming from on a lot of things. It's always better to hear from both people on a story.

      Chris and Josh came in for awhile. Chris and I largely ignored each other, but Josh, Keith, and I talked about the widely controversial topic of what we would do if we had a mentally handicapped child. The nicest suggestions were adoption. Mine didn't go over to well. One being "drop it out of a plane with a parachute over the jungle, and hope it becomes a retarded baby tarzan," to which came Keith and I make retarded sounding Tarzan calls with Keith beating his chest. Ah, what a cruel cruel world we live in. Chris left, and Josh left a little later. Keith and I chilled for quite some time after. A drunk guys was trying to prove to us he was psychic. It was funny. Keith is funny, I love him.

      So hopefully, I will be able to go dancing tonight. Keith said we'll hang again shortly, hopefully with Mark or something this time. Might hang out with Laine and Alanna this weekend, depending on what they're doing. Conservatives rule the country. I hope they do well and I'm pretty excited to see what they do. I hope everyone voted. Call me if someone wants to do something!
music. chaper four - avenged sevenfold





      Frag. I hate it when I haven't updated in a long time. I'll just tell you what I feel like, because I don't feel like putting a whole lot of effort into this. I got my lip peirced, which brings the total to four. I made a cool teeshirt that says 'TOXIC,' in big gold letters. I also made one that says 'sweet revenge.' Not gonna lie, they're both pretty wicked. Huh. My Grandpa e-mailed me from Australia and I bitched about some person who sent me a christian tattoo magazine thing anonymously. And how it pissed me off, because more than likely, some old person is judging me. Who knows.

      Yesterday I went to Chris' work and some girl took his CD and hid it and he got more and more progressively sullen after that and eventually stopped speaking to me or acknowlaging my existance. So I left and I'm pretty sure we've barely spoken to each other since then.

      I got my hours at work cut again. From three a week... to none. Although I'm still technically employed and will have hours again sometime in March... yay? Frickin... job security is a joke. Anyways. Phil was in the mall with Jarred and some other people. They stopped by for like.. two hours. We just sat around and did nothing, and ate brownies, and talked. Well... they did nothing. Maybe I did nothing. It all depends on who's reading this.

      Went to the Meeting Place last sunday. The topic was, as usual, right on target. Dammit, Jesus, argh. Yeah... you know, been chillin. Doing nothing. Watched Office Space. Played some Super Nintendo. Ate lots of crap. Ate a damn lot of strawberries last night. Had a weird dream about Keith which I no longer remember, so don't bother asking about it. Dyed my hair brown. Am attempting to get a job at Bentleys. Thinking about school, working out, am able to ONE WHOLE REAL PUSH-UP. How exciting is that? Very exciting. Anyways, not gonna lie, I don't feel like doing this anymore.
music. finch - what it is to burn (the whole cd)





stayed single the whole year
got your first kiss
kissed someone new
made-out for the first time
made-out in/on a car
kissed in the snow
kissed in the rain
fell in love
had your heart broken (it was still broken)
broke someone else's heart
had a stalker
had a good relationship with someone
questioned your sexual orientation
came out of the closet
gotten pregnant
gotten someone else pregnant
had an abortion
gotten married
had a divorce
had a gay marriage
kissed someone of the same sex
dated someone you'll never forget
done something you've regretted
lost your true love
lost faith in love
kissed under mistletoe
got a promotion
got a pay raise
changed jobs
lost your job
quit your job
dated a co-worker
dated your boss
dated your boss' daughter/son
got fired from your job
got straight As
met one teacher you really like
met one teacher you really hated
found the subject you love
failed a class
cut class
skipped school
got into a fight with a classmate
did something you were proud of
discovered a new talent
gave the teachers a reason to teach
proved yourself an idiot (probably)
embarassed yourself in front of the class
fell in love with a teacher
got a lead in the school play
made a varsity team
were involved in something you'll never forget
got sent to the office
painted a picture
wrote a poem
ran a mile
listened to music you couldn't stand
double-dipped
skinny-dipped
went to a sleepover
went to camp
threw a surprise party
laughed till you cried (everyday)
laughed till you peed in your pants
flirted shamelessly
visited a foreign country
visted a foreign state
cooked a disasterous meal (curry anyone?)
lost something important to you
got a gift you adore
realized something new about yourself
went on a diet
tried to gain weight
dyed your hair
came close to losing your life
someone close to you died
went to a party
drank alchohol
drank alchohol underage
did drug(s)
got drunk
got arrested
read a great book
saw a great movie
saw a movie so scary that it made you cry(don't think i've watched the ring this year...)
saw your favorite band/artist live (one of them)
saw someone famous in person
did something you want to tell everyone
enjoyed this





      Sooo I don't remember where it came from, but Chris has decided JOKINGLY, that we are getting married on the 29th of October. So I was talking to someone on MSN, who won't be named because he apparently feels stupid now or something, and I casually said that Chris and I were getting married in October, and when he asked why, I said, "because I'm carrying his child." Does that sound serious to anyone else? Well, I thought it sounded quite hilarious, but for some reason, this person believed me and freaked out, and then when Chris went to talk to him, he was gone. So then Chris was apparently not mad, (but he was) but being all quiet and saying weird shit like, "I haven't dated anyone in four years, is this what I've been missing?" Yes he's not mad according to him. Even though I call him from work and he barely says anything. So that's pretty gay.

      Right, so I assume since Chris and this person go to school together, he had an interesting day. It's just like that time everyone at camp thought I died! Good times eh, Candace? Huh, so I slept in today until three, and then I worked five to nine. I was supposed to work until at least one, but the owners of the company were there to help, and we decided we're not opening until later tomorrow, so we got to go home early. But fortunately, I picked up an extra shift tomorrow. One to nine, so my paycheck won't be too horrible... sort of.

      We moved absolutely everything out of the old store. The new store is long and bigger and awesome. We're gonna get a little mini kitchen for our backroom, and I'm gonna bring in that ugly couch for us, and make this bulliten board for show stuff. Wicked stuff. Kinda pissed off right now, not gonna lie. People need to relax. EVERYONE needs to relax. Oooh, All Hail the Heartbreaker has double kicks in it and it sounds cool. Also, I wrote an e-mail to someone who blamed it on me publicly for their having a shitty New Year. Apologized and got pissed off at the same time for their pain and suffering and got a good and bad e-mail back. FUCK. FUCKING EVERYONE CHILL THE FUCK OUT. Fucking everyone thinks their life is shitty. You're alive aren't you? Are you living in a fucking box on the side of the street with AIDS? Did your entire family just die in a horrible car accident? I doubt it. Shut the fuck up and be greatful for what you have. Christ, people fucking piss me off.

"How am I not myself?"
music. i can't take it - tegan and sara





      Pretty much sitting at home right now, unable to go to bed even though I am super tired because Chris has to drop off my contacts case when he gets off work. And that could be late. So updating the journal it is. Soo.. wow, I hate this cause I don't friggin' remember what I did that long ago. Ok, howabout Christmas. I went back to work just before Christmas, and I got mostly better. On the twenty-third, I went and saw Chris and gave him his presents, which were an Avenged Sevenfold tee-shirt with a special... note inside it. And some machineheads so I never have to see those terrible plugs ever ever again.

      Soo where was I going with this. Right, So Chris got sick. It was so cute. He went up to Washington the next morning and got back on Boxing Day. So on Christmas Eve I shopped like nothing else and finished sort of. I wanted to go to Timmy's and get some stocking stuffers, but low and behold, they closed at three pm and I was twelve minutes too late. Some time right before the malls closed, Keith picked me up and we went to talk to his friend and attemped to go to Dairy Queen but that was closed too. I hate the holidays. Everyone but me should have to work. Right on. Went to the Christmas Eve service at my parent's church. Fross was there and we went for a drive, saw his POS car, and he helped me FINALLY set up our Christmas tree. I drove him home around elevenish and then I went back home and we each opened one present. Mine was the "Sweet & Twisted," tee-shirt from Bluenotes.

      Christmas Day was cool. Lots of CD's, specifically Kelly Clarkson and Avenged Sevenfold wrapped together. Blink 182 Greatest Hits, Dashboard Confessional, I don't remember what else. Another 6PAK for Mt. Washington which I have already started using, some crates for my CD's and DVD's, and tonnes of chocolate. Seriously, I don't know when I'm going to finish it all. My entire family went chocolate crazy this year. Oh, Laine got me the best present ever. Four boxes of Smores Poptarts and a gift certificate so that I can buy more. I got him four boxes of Smores Poptarts too. That was pretty friggin' hilarious. Umm, on Christmas night, Candace's family came over, plus Mike, and Candace's grandparents on one side. We had a big dinner and it was yummy. Lots of coolers and sparkling apple juice for me. Oh. And turkey. I love turkey.

      After that Me, Candace, Mike, and Shane went swimming at the hotel where her grandparents are staying. That was niceness. we attempted to surf on lawnchairs. It was awesome. The next day I took my dreads out. Or... sometime around then. Needless to say, they are out and I am sad. I again have normalish hair. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I almost cut it the other day, but Chris has made it abundantly clear that he does not want me to cut it. I can manage that. I'll probably just grow it out and get Chris to put the dreads back in. My roots are orange still. Even though I re-dyed my hair. Oh well. Maybe I'll dye it brown or something crazy and then dye it all one color afterwards. Damn hair is so annoying. Me with brown hair. I've never quite mastered that look. I still think it would look cool with my blue eyes, but it didn't work out that way last time. Dave from work said I looked evil.

      Anyways. Chris got back on Boxing Day. I had to work It was sorta crazy, but I've seen worse days. I don't really remember any of these other days since then, but I would assume I spent lots of time with Chris and the boys. Oh God, I'm trying to remember anything that happened between then and New Years. Went to Pita Pit with Jesse and Brie and Chris. Chris Chris Chris. Ok, whatever I don't remember anything else. On the 30th, Chris' parents stopped by the store to say hi and asked if I wanted to go to the mountain with them the next day. that was pretty wicked. They like me! I told them Chris and I were already planning on going, so we would probably see them up there, but we had to leave early so Chris could get to work on time.

      New Years Eve. I got to sleep over at Chris' the night before, so we could get up and go. We left Nanaimo around 8:30 after Timmies. It was an okay day at the mountain. Quite busy with long lines. Didn't get very many runs in. Had lunch at the bar, where the waitress was all, "you guys have pretty young faces, can I see some ID?" Goddamn just ask for my ID, don't give me that crap. Anyways, so I sucked the big one all day and Chris whooped my ass, and we left at two. Chris dropped me off and I got all pretty. I put on my black dress and "hooker boots," and my hair was all lovely and nice, and I broke my mascara in the frustration of trying to look good. In the end I was pleased, so I called Chris to tell him how smokin' I looked. Chris told me he was taking me out for dinner by the way, hence the dressing up. Anyways when I called him around six, he said he would be over shortly... eight thirty rolls around and he's not there, so I decide I'm going to Candace's. Just as I have finished taping a note to the door and am walking out with my keys, Chris pulls up and... takes me to Earls. We had Martinis! (Not Andreas! Thank God!) Just kidding, Andrea, I love you even if that Martini was terrible.

      So... Earls. Yummy. Cool waiter. I didn't have my ID, so he let Chris order two martinis... end of story. Uhh, from there we stopped by Candace's, so that I could give Alyssa her Christmas present and be generally ignored by everyone. That was a good time. At least I got to see Alyssa. Finally, we headed over to Marks, to get him, Keith, and Adam Power. We WERE going to go to a threatre party with Chris' friends but Keith wasn't down with that, so we went to Chris' house instead. Adam Power and Mark and sort of Chris proceeded to get drunk. Adam Power got REALLY drunk. It was funny. Then the boys went out and had their Captain Blacks. As against smoking as I am, I can't help but be turned on when a guy is smoking... it just looks damn hot. Yes. Yes I am sick and twisted. Chris is sexy. What can I say? Uhh, Laine and his awesome girlfriend, Alanna came over. She is ver cool. We decided after I talked to her brother that I was going to have to come over and rap California Love with them.

      Ahh, we started watching Keith's "snuff porn," which was cheesy and hilarious. It's called Cradle of Fear and it's sick and hilarious, and I want to finish watching it. So does Laine, so I'm not alone. Lots and lots of death. So great. Midnight rolled around and I made out with Chris. (What else?) Uhh, we were all kinda bummed or tired and not really into partying. But Adam, Laine, Mark, and Alanna went to Mark's sister's house and partied there all night. Keith went home, and I stayed over at Chris'. It was a good night, overall. Chris. You are awesome. Umm, New Years day, Chris and I were really super lazy all day, and decided we were going boarding today... so I slept over again, and we went boarding today and it was a beautiful day. We met Laine and Taylor there and it was great. I sucked all morning, but did better in the afternoon. Got wet and cold, but had fun. It was so busy that all the parking lots were completely full, and we had to park on the side of the road along with a few other hundred people.

      We got home a little after five, and Chris had to work at five, so we hung out at Domino's until eight, and it was dead, so Chris slept under the table and I took pictures of him. He is so awesome and sweet. Very kind and different from everyone else. Yes. Well, at eight I was really tired, so after the store got paintballed, (we assume it was Mark and Jordon) Chris drove me home... in his paintballed car. I was going to go to bed, but then I remembered I left my contact case at Chris' so I called him and he is going to drop it off after work. Darn, what a shame, I will have to see him again. Ahhh, so excited. And so very very tired from not a lot of sleep.

      In closing notes, I got my hours cut again at Culture Craze cause it's January, but Heebs, and some other girls are leaving, so hopefully (even though I will miss them) I'll get some more hours then. Also we are moving the store next to Payless Shoes, and apparently there is a snowboard shop moving into our old location. I am so updating my resume and trying to get a second job there until my hours pick up in a couple months. Ahh, there was something else... talked to Phil a few times, Chris and I will have been dating for a month on the eighth. Might be going boarding with Brodz on the seventh. Argh, what was the other thing? New Years resolutions? Get in shape for my course. Lift weights for ten minutes every morning, and go for a run at least every second evening. So far... I have let to start. I'm doing well. I want for body mods in the near future; my nipples (maybe), my VCH, and a side lip ring. I also want my autumn leaves and tree tattoo on the side of my thigh and over my hip. It will be sexy. Anyways I will update later if I remember anything else. Later kids. Chris, October 29th? <3 You're the best thing that ever happened to me.... well... one of them at least. But you're definately up there! You're "Tasha."

      Ps. Everyone go listen to this song. http://www.purevolume.com/grimusshackca. One, because it is a really good song. And two, because Chris screams in it and he is sexy and it makes me like the song even more because when he is on stage... it's hot. I can say that much. Also check out (Yes Chris, I am shamelessly advertising you) http://www.myspace.com/magogsdeception, for more Christopher goodness.
music. winds of sorrow - grimus' shack