Ah. I will never understand why people who don't know me anymore seem to think they can have a running commentary on my life. Here is a link to JANELLE VANDENBOER's journal. She changed the address and doesn't have her name on it because too many people were bashing her on her old one. Wonder why? http://welcometothisworld.blogspot.com.

      So in response, apparently I AM an asshole because I'm no longer friends with: one person who doesn't want to see me anymore because I don't want to date him, one because he had a temper problem and became violent when he thought I wasn't paying enough attention to him, and another who says that in the end, our friendship or whatever comes down to looks, and my tattoos and piercings are ugly, and not what he is looking for. Still another who was my first love, and I feel things are still unresolved, and yet another who I couldn't trust as a friend because she could not keep her mouth shut about my personal thoughts that I chose to share with her. Apparently THESE things make ME an asshole. Friends that I am sad that I no longer see? Tristan is in Ontario, Peter and Brody are in Vancouver, Ben is in Cranbrook, and certain special people are also far away.

      When I said certain people were assholes. I meant maybe one or two. I see Chelsea and Alex frequently at the mall and we always stop to talk, and I really enjoy it. We never hung out besides when we were both at Janelle's house, so seeing them at the mall is what I'm used to, and I enjoy the chance to catch up with them when I can. Really, only one person became an asshole, and I no longer see the 'aquaintences' that I saw when I spent time with that person. Apparently this is 'self pity month' here in the blogger community. However, should you decide to read back through Janelle's archives, you will notice how often she bitches about ie: certain people who only come to visit her sister instead of her now. Those would be Chelsea and Alex. The reason? It's because people are damn sick of her whining and how she retreats to her room when she doesn't get her way. Is everyone five years old? No, it's just you.

      I wrote an apology, left it up here, and why not? Everyone could see it and would know that I was sorry, I know Janelle frequently reads my journal, so I knew she would see it. I also thought that public apologies showed a degree of humility, and I certainly felt humbled when I wrote it. I didn't expext things to be instantly patched up, but I thought I would get a decent response. Instead I got bashed for it. Not all my friends have a 'stick up their ass.' It's pretty much just you. Unfortunately with Janelle, most of my friends were connected to her, so that's how I saw them. However, it seems we've gone completely seperate ways and she no longer sees those people anyways. The highschool group had disbanded and moved on and I can no longer refer to them as a singular... entity.

      Most of my anger besides to these kind of remarks about my life which are completely... untrue, are about Phil who can't decide if he wants to be my friend or not and usually ends up yelling at me over the phone (like tonight) because he is mad that I want to ask Alex about Celica's instead of just not buying the car I want because he tells me to. I didn't raise my voice at all during the conversation and repeatedly said I was only trying to get the best information for such a large purchase. I was then laughed at and told I was an idiot for getting myself into debt (for something I pretty much need) and then hung up on. It makes me mad, but the more it happens, the more I see that it is a completely unhealthy relationship or friendship to persue. For me as well as him.

      One last thing I'm wondering about that fucking entry. How can you be too injured to go to work and sit at a desk, but be well enough to "go out and party it up?" Did anyone else notice that? Anyways, I spent yesterday evening with Frazer watching, 'Office Space,' and eating pizza. This morning I got approved for a $6000 loan and looked more in depth at certain cars, called around, still interested in the '94 Celica at Bowen Motors. Tomorrow I don't work until four, so I shall hopefully go on a test drive of my beloved car. So to be clear, my life isn't terrible. Let me quote this awesome passage in a book I'm reading. "Adolescence. When nothing seems to have been lost, and yet one is filled with grief. When one has no idea that one is in mourning for childhood itself." Outburts? I've realized it's me coming to terms with the fact that I'm leaving a huge part of my life behind me. But it'll work out. Every teen goes through it.

      Anyways sorry to lower myself to the bashing level, but I was pretty pissed when I read that entry. Hopefully we can all just go our seperate ways now that everyone's feelings are clear. If you don't know me or haven't talked to me about what I feel are rough spots in my life, don't try to comment on them. You end up looking like a fool.