The above are lyrics from 'Welcome Home,' by Coheed and Cambria. That song rocks. According to iTunes, I've listened to it 67 times. Download it. Seriously. It's like their most rockin' song ever. Um, what's new. Well, lots. Today I washed all the crap out of my hair and combed it straight and it looks weird cause it's so short. And shit. I just blew one of my computer speakers. Maybe me parents won't know it was me? Hahaha... yeah right. Right now Brody and I are having a conversation about how annoying it is when people start doing the same thing you are, school/profession wise. Like how I get pissed off that people I know are suddenly interested in paramedicine or are going to my school. It's like, holy crap, I'm actually good at something, can you not make me feel like shit, and let me have just one thing? Yeah. You don't get it. (Directed at one person in particular) Whatever. I'll find something. Fuck. That seriously makes me so angry. It makes me feel like all my hard work has suddenly been cheapened because now I'm going to have some dumb shit telling me how to do stuff.

      In other news. Ok, let's do a ratio of male vs. female friends that I regularly hang out with. It's like ten to one. Seriously, one female friend: Candace. And the guys are dropping like flies? Why? Oh, because when they find out that I won't date them for whatever reason, they don't want to hang out. I'm sorry that I don't want to fuck you. Could you be anymore shallow? Fuck. So in (completely different news?) I haven't seen Laine in a while. Cough cough. I'm pretty pissed off about that. What are the chances that I'm gonna be seeing Chris or Keith anymore? Not likely since I basically have to beg Keith to ever hang out with me. So unless one of them randomly wants to be dating me, I'm down an entire group of friends. Fun. Am I pissed off? Yes. Yes I am. Wouldn't you be? I'm not important because I won't have sex with you? Basically.

      It's raining today and I have nothing to do. Maybe I'll get my hair cut or something. Woo.. exciting stuff, I know. I wonder what Laine's up to. Probably at work. Probably won't be hearing from him anytime soon. Lame. Dropped off some stuff with Phil yesterday. He basically made fun of me the entire time. That felt really good. He hasn't even located my stuff yet. What the fuck. I'm so tired of everything. Jaded? Yes. Pissed off? Yes. Did I e-mail someone today? Yes. Yes I did. And I don't care, because I will probably continue to do it. Question of the day, Christian's feel free to respond. Well, non-Christians too, but I don't think you'll get it. Not that anyone ever comments because no one wants me to know that they read this. So anyways, here's the question: If you were doing really well with God for a while, and he made part of his plan for you crystal clear to you, and then you kinda weren't so close anymore, but you still know that he wants this certain thing for you... can you have it? Can you have the thing he wants for you, or will you most likely not have it until you're good with God again? This is a rather important question, so feedback is wanted.

      Started reading the 'Word on the Street' again. It's the Bible paraphrased so it's way easier to read. I'm already into second Kings, and I've never read past Deuteronamy before. And yes, I'm aware I spelled that wrong. Anyways, here's a passage I like that I had forgotten about.

1Kings 19:11-13 (NIRV)
     11 The Lord said, "Go out. Stand on the mountain in front of me. I am going to pass by." As the Lord approached, a very powerful wind tore the mountains apart. It broke up the rocks. But the Lord wasn't in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake. But the Lord wasn't in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake a fire came. But the Lord wasn't in the fire. And after the fire there was only a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his coat over his face. He went out and stood at the entrance to the cave. Then a voice said to him, "Elijah, what are you doing here?"

      Hmm, I really like that one because it reminds me to listen, because God is talking to me. He could get my attention with something big, but instead he is teaching me to listen to him. I miss talking to God and all the amazing things he does. Like when I pray for peace, I am suddenly calm, no matter how bad the situation is. When I pray for a passion about him, he answers me, or shows me why I'm not capable at the time. He gives me amazing pictures for people and shows me things others don't see. Spiritual gifts are amazing. And wow, yeah this all just kinda came outta left field didn't it? I just picked up my Bible yesterday and started reading. It was odd. He shows me all the right things and I know that nothing is an accident. He calms my soul.

      Mmm, well I feel really good right now. That's a change. I was planning on ending this post with "I've lost faith in humanity," and I guess I sort of have, but I have not forgotten faith in God, and that will save us all. Anyways, hmm, haircut tonight I think. Then maybe I'll try to get ahold of someone. I think Mark is in town tonight so maybe him and Jordon are doing something dangerous. I should look into that. Whoa. Realization. I was mad because things I work hard at then other people do, makes me feel like my hard work is useless. But when people think about God because of maybe something I said or wrote about, I don't feel cheated at all. Hmmm, funny how that came up.
music. welcome home - coheed and cambria