Ok, we'll start a few days back. After my extreme crappy few days, I went and hung out with Keith, Chris, and Laine for a little bit and that was ok, but the beginning of better things. Uhh, the next day I don't remember what happened, probably nothing important. So like two days ago was my first staff meeting at Tigh-Na-Mara. We had a wine tasting and it was interesting and I answered some trivia and won some wine, which is probably still sitting in my car. But yeah, all the red wine was nasty and I liked a few of the white wines and we had cheese and beef and bread with it, so I got to eat and it was awesome. Anyways, also, Shawna wanted to address the issue of piercings, so I was her poster girl and I just so happened to be wearing my lip ring that days and it was excellent.

      So after the staff meeting, about seven or eight of us went over to Shawna's house to hang out. Keep in mind that Shawna is my thrity-four year old boss. But I thought it would be good to see them away from work and hopefully like connect with them more. Anyways they all got drunk and told super personal stories and we played a game called if, and people cried and it was completely unexpected. But yeah, I learned some super personal things about my co-workers and some of it just like blows you away with what has happened to these people in their lives. Um, but yeah, so they said that I was initiated and that I would have to work faster if I wanted to stay at TNM, and that I'd better cause they liked me and didn't want me to leave. Maybe it's cause I know who's sleeping with who now ect. But yeah, all in all it was pretty awesome.

      So I went home around twelve thirty, expecting to go to bed, and I go online and Laine says I should come over and hang out with him and Keith. So I get over there and Keith left before I got there! Keith. If you are reading this, you are a huge loser that looks at gay porn. Um but yeah, it was cool cause Laine's mom woke up cause the dogs were barking at me and she was like mad and I had to wait outside, but eventually Laine and I went and walked around downtown, dropped off some movies, talked about lots of things and it was really cool. We had a wicked time and it was super-duper? Sweet! But yeah, it was good and hopefully we can keep hangin' out. So I finally got home around three thirty, put on some laundry and went to bed an hour later.

      Next day I completely ignored my alarm clock, and rolled out of bed around two, and was supposed to catch my ferry at three, so I ran around packing and trying to not look like I'd just woken up, but I failed horribly, but at least I still made my ferry. Yeahh, I even managed to not forget anything this time! So ferry ride, I'm sitting trying to take up like three seats with my stuff cause I like to sit by myself and this like huge Jewish family comes and sits with me and moves my bags out of the way and one guy is like taking pictures out the window which I was very obviously in and I got uncomfortable. Yeah, so that's my ferry story. Also, an old man would not stop looking at me. Creepy. Um the bus rides were fairly uneventful, except that I missed my second bus by like five seconds. Oh well.

      So here I am. I made Brody and Bonnie dinner. It was pork rib tips with pasta seasoned with garlic and corn and a dinner roll! Can you believe I made that!? I was amazed at myself. Like seriously, apparently I can make food when I put my mind to it. But I was super tired cause we had to walk to Safeway and they didn't have what I wanted, so we had to walk like forty-five minutes the other way to go to Save-On. Yeah, so after dinner we watched some original Star Trek and it was excellent. It made me want to cry at times because the acting was so bad. Woohoo Star Trek! Then to bed. Then this morning we watched some more Star Trek, then we went downtown to get my tattoo. (Where I start to get angry)

      Enter Roger. Roger is a mentally handicapped person who rides the bus all the time. He has a non curly fro, and a really creepy mustache. I say this in the most caring way. Anyways, he gets on the bus, walks over to me and says, and I quote: "Hi. This is Roger. What is your name? (I tell him my name) Hello, Natasha. (Well the first time it was "Antasha" and the second time it was "Natash-a." It was funny) Give me your left hand. (I give him my hand and we holds it in one hand and strokes my palm with one finger about five times and then just stops and moves on) WHAT THE HELL!? It was very odd. He did it once later, except all he said that time was, "give me your left hand," and he did it again. Weird? Yeah, but some people were mean to him and I got pissed off. End of story.

      So we get downtown and go to Next. The tattoo artist there says she doesn't feel comfortable doing necks, so we go to Adrenaline. They two guys treat me like shit and roll their eyes when I tell them what I want. Then give me hell over it and tell me I don't know what I want and all this shit. So we left and went to Sacred Hearts which was a LONG way away. We got there and they're like, "we don't tattoo necks." Brody and I are like WHAT THE HELL do you have to do to get this tattoo. So we went back to Adrenaline and talked to a different dude, and he said because I was only nineteen that he KNEW that I wouldn't like it later in my life. Basically told me that he KNEW me. I got so pissed off, so we left and went to UBC. I was like fuming and I met some of Brody's friends, some of whom actually talked to me, then we went to get some chocolate milk and I blew bubbles in it, and threatened Brody with it, and he thought I was going to attack him with it, SO HE BACKHANDED MY CHOCOLATE MILK right onto the pavement. Then he even expected me to drink it. So he picked it up and a little while later I slapped it to the grass and that was that. And I might have gone on and on about it for a little while. Maybe.

      Sooo, then we went back to Richmond and went to the mall, where I found everything I was looking for. A brown hoodie at Bluenotes, as well as a camo backpack which rocks my socks off. And was only ten bucks. Oh, and I got a black and white checkered belt which is the shit. Then we decided to call the Richmond tattoo place, "Floating World Tattoo's," hahaha, on the off chance that they would do it. And they were like, sure, so we went over there, and they stayed open late just for me! Yeah, so it took all of two minutes to do and now it's wicked and I'll post a picture maybe soon. Yeah. It's awesome. Anyways, now we're back and we watched some more Star Trek and ate brownies and drank chocolate milk and it is all good. Woohoo!





      Today has been a very very bad day for me. And it's only just past seven. It's really ebaressing crying in front of people I barely know. And often. At work yesterday I was cleaning out a room, and I started crying, then I had to go on my break with the two captains of the team and I started crying so hard in front of them. They were being really nice at least. Today I went to Shoppers to get a few bucks from my mom, and when she asked me what I wanted, I started crying again. And now I just can't stop. Driving home, or just doing anything. I feel like shit. I seriously just feel like my life is just not worth anything. I feel like complete garbage and I wonder why people do the things they do.

      I was thinking about that kid from Dover who committed suicide. So many people say it's selfish because look how much pain you leave other people in. Well, aren't THEY being selfish? To actually kill yourself you must be in a massive amount of pain. Like, I understand why someone would do it. It's like you just hurt so much, that you want to sleep and not have all these thoughts going through your head anymore, you just want to stop feeling, but then you realize that if you sleep, you have to wake up and think about it again and face the same things over and over. So if you just die then the pain is over forever. These are the people who just don't see things getting any better. I don't want to die, so I guess I realize that things will eventually get better. I'd rather be like in a coma for a while or something. But since I don't know how to go about that, I'll just run, listen to music, work, and sleep a lot.

      I thought I made a lot of progress. But today I see that I really have not. I thought about doing some things today which would have been very very bad ideas for my future. And then I wanted something which makes me sick to my stomach because... I don't want to talk about that one. Work told me to go home early and I don't know why. Hopefully it's just cause we weren't busy today. I got home, sat down, and here I have sat basically since then. And that seems to be what my life consists of. I never set out to have any of this happen. I'm going to go for a run because my dad is home and I don't want him to see me crying because I don't know what he would do. I am confused. And I am not. But I continuously amaze myself with my stupidity and how much I can convince myself of something that isn't true. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

note: today marks the first anniversary of this blog and i still have no idea who reads it, except that there are a lot...
music. asthenia - blink 182





      Hmm, the title has nothing to do with anything. I have the Papa Roach CD sitting in front of me, and I like that song, so I'll probably listen to it now. Hold on. Mk, anyways, how was the last little while been? Good, I've been working everyday. Today is my first day off in a little while, and I have tomorrow off as well. I only have one shift next week which is really lame, but I'll manage I guess since I'll have worked like fifty-something hours in two weeks anyways. So that'll work out.

      Hmm, I worked things out with Tristan, and basically yeah, that's good now. There was some miscommunication and some misunderstanding and everything is now good which is excellent because I missed talking to him. Jordon isn't moving to Tofino apparently, which sucks for him probably, but is fine with me cause I would have missed him too much, although now I don't have an excuse to go see Mark :( Oh well, Jordon is probably still in Vancouver at the Underoath concert right now, so I shall talk to him later I guess. Keith went to but he said all of "excellent" to me before signing off... we were supposed to hang out tomorrow but I doubt that'll happen considering we got into quite the argument last night.

      Had a long religious chat with Phil tonight which is never a good idea because we are too much alike and always end up yelling or angry at each other and frustated. Which was about how it ended tonight. Then I came home and talked about it my parents, which is never good cause my mom and I get frustrated with each other too. Damn my personality. But it's ok cause Dad took my side so I felt better.

      Probably going to Vancouver next Thursday to see Brodster, and get my other tattoo. Mwahahaha mystery! It'll be awesome all y'all. Tonight I was supposed to go the bar with Candace, but since they ditched me after we had plans to go out the other night and I was super pissed and not impressed at all, and then when we DID actually do something, Mike was being miserable the entire evening, and it was gay and nobody really had a good time at all. So I don't feel too bad about not going was the point of that one. Hmm, not much else going on. Tristan said he might come down for a visit next month or something which would be wicked.
music. but home is nowhere - afi





      Today I found out too many things that I didn't want to know. I found out that you really can't trust boys, and that good friends are hard to find. Lying is commonplace, and some justify it by avoiding the truth or getting technical with words. Some set out to purposely hold information from you. Some people stop hanging out with you because they get a girlfriend and refuse to tell you. Some people think they can gain some sort of "upper hand" by throwing things in your face.

      Today I WAS in a good mood. I worked seven to three thirty and it was good. I went out with Candace and we went to the mall and ran into Jordon, Keith and his girlfriend, many of Jordon's friends, and then Janelle and someone else wandered into Wal-Mart right in front of me, but I don't think they noticed. It was a weird night. Then I hung out with Phil. Then I wrote to Brody and told him that if he read this before he left, not to come here. Because he said he's coming tomorrow. I really don't know what I want other than to lay in bed all day and not think about any of this.
music. letters to god - boxcar racer





      Last night, I hung out with Jordon and we searched for and found poptarts, (the smores kind) drove around, went to Timmies and chased deer. I called Phil, but he was with... someone I do not particularly like. Later on I was supposed to throw rocks at his window, which I did but he didn't wake up, which was retarded. Today, mom and I went to the mall and grabbed me some work shoes. Which are -cough cough- awesome black circa shoes that I love. Mwahahaha, and I just picked up a new work shirt and jacket, which is military style... and awesome.

      I feel like I barely get to talk to Brody anymore, which kinda sucks. Yeah. Also, hmm, Jordon is going to Tonfino again for good next weekend. That's sucks. Uh my wrist hurts from being on the computer so much hahaha, so I'm wearing my little wrist brace... fun. Drove down to Vic and got Kayley from school today. Then drove home, went to the mall, and now we are sitting around the house because we're bored.

      I'm supposed to pick up Phil from work at nine. I really hate the way he talks to me, like everything is an ultimatum, like he's doing me a favour by hanging out with me. Really pisses me off. Today was well, if you don't pick me up, then I'll find someone else to hang out with tonight. Fucking bullshit the way he talks like that. Working tomorrow morning at seven am. Woohoo... I hope it's not too busy cause I still have like no idea how to do lots of things. On the guy front, I am confused but not making rash decisions because that's when things get ridiculous. My wrist hurts.
music. 3685 - the spill canvas





      Hellloooo, ok good news for today: I can take my class five in June, instead of August! This is way cool because my class starts in September and I need my class four, so now I'll be able to sign up earlier and have a better chance of getting in! Yay! So now the only problem is my "mad" driving skills. Oh well I'll just take a few lessons again and hopefully it will work out.

      In other news, I had my first day at Tigh-Na-Mara last night. Started at four and thought I would just be doing an orientation and whatnot, but I ended getting thrown into the midst of everything and learning when I asked "how the hell do i do that!?" But it was good. With scheduling, there's only a start time and no end time, because you always stay at least eight and a half hours, and after that you stay until all your jobs are done. I stayed until one am last night, so I get paid an hour overtime! Yay, but nine hours was tough and I'm tired.

      They're so h-core there though. Shawna almost sent me home because I was wearing brown shoes instead of black ones and because I was wearing a black tee-shirt instead of a button up. I'm like, "well, I called and asked, and they just said as long as it was black." But so, Shawna let me wear her shoes which were like two sizes too big (my feet hurt so much now!) and they let my tee-shirt go for today. Ok, so the job is mostly set-up, take down, flips, re-sets, but tonight, I served one plated banquet and it was fun! It's just like working at Camp Imadene, we do our own dishpit in between servings and it's awesome. So all in all, it was pretty good.

      What else? Ok, so Marge is sort of our team captain and she's so cool! I got to go in the bar today and learn where everything was and how to pour drinks and blah blah blah. Everything is so particular. You have to serve and clear from the right, the wine has to be held a certain way, there's like a million forks, knives, and spoons. And ah! So much to learn, all the diff set-ups and everything. They asked me to take out my piercing again! I dunno what I'm gonna do, I still have it in right now so gah, I HAVE to figure out some way to keep it. Grrr, it's like really upsetting that I may have to take it out.

      In other news, Brody most likely does not have breast cancer, which is always good hahaha, but the doctor told him to refrain from certain activities. Cough cough, not my fault. Anyways, dad moved all my furniture into Kayley's room, so we're going to go out and buy some things for it today cause it's SO small that I need ways to make more room. And I really want my ps2 cables back from Phil. I'll trade his CD for them.
music. fix you - coldplay





tears stream down on your face / when you lose something you cannot replace / tears stream down your face / and i

tears stream down on your face / i promise you I will learn from my mistakes / tears stream down your face / and i
music. fix you - coldplay





      I am confused and unhappy and just... does this ever end? You were a complete joke that really had me going, you have to pretend you don't love me anymore and try to throw your "accomplishments" in my face, and you, you I am just utterly confused about, and I don't even know why. Those were all different people... by the way.

      What kind of image do I put out? This horribly sexual one most likely. Unfortunately... is that really how I am... or what I want people to think about me. I dunno. Who I am on the inside doesn't always show. Or maybe it does cause I am conflicted so I guess half of me shows. And I don't know what I want, and so I am confused. And I may as well have. Just. I can't even talk about this.

      I don't think Keith like... even wants to hang out anymore. He doesn't really talk to me, or... seem to want to see me. Jordon's leaving for Tofino soon for a few months to work. I don't see you, and you just fuck me around, where the hell do you get off acting like that and having pictures and letters from me right next to your fucking bed. Why am I so upset.
something i can never have - nin





      Wow, I actually didn't update for a whole day. Um, on Thursday I went to Victoria with Jordon and Hilary, who was pretty freakin cool for being a female. Which means she was rockin. We followed a red van with a tail the window about halfway but then we had to stop for food so we lost them. I was fuming and Jordon was being scary about it, so I tried not to be too angry. Umm, so we picked up Jordon's tickets and walked around the waterfront, and I ran up to plasterman screaming, then I said hello, and gave him two bucks. Then we went to UVIC and visited some people I didn't know and chased rabbits.

      Anyways, back to Nanaimo, and Frazer came over and I did fun things like laundry and burning of a CD, which is awesome, because it has many A Spill Canvas songs on it, and I love them now. Then Frazer and I went driving and he tried to teach me how to do stuff with my e-brake. And we drove around Beban Park and I got scared that we would die from some crack addicts attacking my car so I made sure all the doors were locked and in the end, we didn't die and it was good.

      Friday morning I got up ridiculously early. At like ten. And Tigh-Na-Mara called and asked if I was feeling better yet, and they lady said that they really wanted me to work for them, but not until I was better, and they were prepared to wait if it was gonna take a month for me to get better, no matter how long, they just wanted me to come back when I could! It was awesome! So I'm wanted which is a good thing, but I told them I could start on Monday, so I go in then at 4pm for my orientation and whatnot! I'm so excited guys! My first full time job and it's gonna be awesome!

      Then Sears called twice and I ignored the phone because I didn't want to talk to them. Then I packed and ate food and saw that the ferry was like late and mostly full, so I left and ended up waiting in line for like two hours because the special in between sailing didn't even leave until the three sailing and this was supposed to leave at two, and it was just a big mess. Anyways, so I got to Vancouver late and picked up Brody like half an hour after he got off work, but he came running down the stairs anyways and picked me up, and he's saying it's because he had to pee, but he really didn't because we went to Boston Pizza right away and he didn't pee. So he was lying. Now he's laughing.

      ANYWAYS. Then we went to a park that had no grass and watched the sunset. Well, he did, but I was facing the wrong way, and people were looking at us. And a dog came by. Then it got cold so we went back to the car and there were some Asian people there and we thought they were trying to steal the random DVD player from my car. But they didn't because we saved the day. Brody said hi, but they were too cool to say anything back to us. Then we went and saw the Best movie ever. It was called, "A sound of Thunder." It was about time travel, baboon-zilla-bats, and HOLY CRAP, it had the worst computer graphics I have ever seen in my entire life. Wow. Mad props to them. The only thing that was worse than the CG was the acting. There were about eight people in the theatre, and I think I was the only one who enjoyed it because it was so bad. GLOWING BABOON-ZILLA EYES! Anyways, I reccomend it to everyone WHILE in theatres, because you have to see it on the big screen, it's THAT bad/good. But mostly bad.

      Oh right. At Boston Pizza, Phil called. Yeah. Phil. Phil who bitched me out the other day and hasn't spoken to me since. Called me. Probably for a ride. After not speaking to me for like the past three days. What the hell is up with that. Oh well. Anyways. Back to my weekend thus far. Then we went to the place where we were sleeping. Which was nice. End of day.

      Today is Saturday. Today we woke up and bought food. And... took a freakin' long drive, and went to the zoo! I thought it looked welfare, and it pretty much was, but it was also really good and the animals had big enclosures so I was happy. Unless we couldn't see them. In that case, I think they should have been chained the fence. Ok, so we got there and Brody confiscated my brownies, and I saw I wanted some and right in front of all these people and their kids, he told me, "You can have any desert until you eat your lunchable!" The painful was that I did indeed have a lunchable with me. Then he was being all parental, so I hit him and stepped on his shoe and told him he wasn't my mother. Oh righteo, so there was a rhino which was cool and shiny. And there were squirrel monkeys which were the best because they did the whole ET thing and tried to touch Brody's finger and then they freaked out and bared their teeth at him... which screeching. Oh Brody wants me to tell you about how he got all the animal's attention. Let me start a new paragraph because this is a story all in it's own.

      Ok. Brody's technique was basically the same for every animal. Bark at it. Ok, he said "eee eee" to the monkeys and that time, it actually worked and they tried to take his finger. However, it didn't work on the giraffes, (although one did come over, so good luck convincing him) the rhino, the tiger, the bear, the lions, the wolves, (oh god, I pretended I didn't know him) the bison. Yeah, basically everything. Oh, and the baboons. OH! The baboon's bums were extremely red and I thought they were sunburned. However, we were reading about them and it turns out they just wanted sex and that's how they attracted the males. One of them was eating hay and it was funny.

      We discovered that camels can become invisible. Because there were three signs for them and no camels. Until finally... camels. That didn't match the sign. Whatever. Brody pet a zebra and it scared him. Ummm, oh we hunted the wild porta-potty and Brody pet that also, and I got a picture of him doing so. At this point, I would like to tell you about how attracted one of the donkeys was to Brody. His penis was like two feet long... the donkeys, not Brodys. Wow, so Brody it. The donkey, not the penis! WOW. Um. Yeah. That was interesting. Oh also we saw a wild bus in the bison enclosure. Then it started moving and it was like that time in Family guy with the wild fire truck and ambulances that eat the deer. Everyone knows what I'm talking about because I show it to everyone.

      This paragraph is about children at the zoo. Child number one. Child: "Those are killer-bears (or killa-bears) because they kill people." Brody: "Only if you attack them first." Child: "Mom, look I'm hiding!" Other child: "I can see your bum." End of story. Child number two. Mom: "Look that boy has a Mario Brother's tee-shirt (Brody). Then the little boy hunted Brody for like a minute and kept trying to be inconspicuous and failing horribly, until Brody said hi and he ran away. End of story. End of zoo. Then we drove home and Brody got us lost but I got us back. SHUTUP BRODY. I made beef-dip and the world was right again. Oh. The moose and yaks were retarded.
music. mostly the spill canvas





      Today is a good day because I am wearing my hair down which I haven't been able to do since i cut it and it got too long to faux-hawk, which I miss, but the general concencus was that it looked better long, so that's what I am aimng for. And now it is down and mostly covers my ears and it is getting long and that makes me happy. Also, most of the grey color has washed out which is also happy because this means that I am blonde again, which isn't red or brown, but blonde, which is normal, and normal is good sometimes.

      I finished my book, "the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime." It was very good and I would reccomend it to people who are somewhat intelligent (and I know many people who aren't, which is why I say that) My Maja should be home soon, then maybe, crossing my fingers, we can do something today that requires me to walk out the front door.

      Today Dan e-mailed me and so I e-mailed him back after I thought about it for a while, and it was a good e-mail I think, and that's all I have to say about that. Then I went through my e-mails and deleted all the ones from Nathan because I don't need them there because I was only hanging onto them so that I could be hanging onto him, which I'm not doing anymore. I'm going to get rid of the shoebox as well. I thought about drowning or burning it, but I'm not mad, I just don't need it anymore, so I guess the garbage is the best place.





      Today has been rather uneventful. Ah blogging at the end of boring days because I have nothing better to do. Today I slept through the night to the nice normal Tasha-time of one pm. It was good. Still tired though. Mom came home from work and cancelled our plans AGAIN because she was too tired this time. So I went to the mall by myself after I finally made her give me my car keys back. She didn't want me driving anywhere, but I'm getting desperate to get out.

      Hmm, so I went and bought a new labret spike which is the wrong size because the girl was retarded at Culture Craze. Gah. People don't listen. After that, went and bought "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night," by Mark Haddon. I'm about halfway through it and it's really really good. It's about this autisic (??) fifteen year old guy who finds his neighbour's dog murdered so he's goes about investigating, and it's awesome because he's such a cool character.

      What else for the day? Mom says we shall go sweater shopping tomorrow. Cough cough, yeah right. Hopefully though. Hmm, everyone is going back to school, most of my friends for their last year. Yay for them. Kayley's going into grade 12 too! She didn't much like her first day at her new school apparently, so hopefully that will change since she moved down there to go. Ate lots of food today and got sick. Ahh I love food. Um. Feel like talking to Tristan, wherever he is. Vancouver this weekend! Hopefully I'll not be so tired then.
music. in repair - our lady peace





      Mmm, today was ze last day of my meds! Yay, should be cleared up mid-week. The infectious part that is. This mono-being tired thing is really freaky though! I felt it coming on at Candace's, so I decided to drive home. Bad idea. I totally zoned out in the car while I was driving. Didn't hear my music, which was turned way up, and all the car lights and streetlights were totally tripping me out. Like everything was so bright and fuck, it was crazy. Won't be doing that again.

      But anyways, was at Candace's to watch a movie, ze RING 2 with her and Meekel. I talked to Scheryl for a while about school, guys, work. That kind of stuff, it was quite nice to get it off my chest. Phil... I dunno. Apparently I'm supposed to know why Phil's constantly attacking me, but I don't, and he won't tell me, so well, I don't need that kind of stress, so goodbye to him. Jordon wanted to see Red Eye or something else tonight, but I am way too tired, so we're going to Victoria on Thursday to pick up some concert tickets for Alexisonfire, the Used, and Underoath. Sounds like a plan.

      Umm, what else. Talked to Tristan lots today. We have a lot in common. It's really kind of scary, but he's a really really awesome dude. We have a movie list to complete when he gets back here. And it's rather large Tristan. We are going to need a lot of popcorn... I don't like popcorn, and lots of chocolate milk. Brody's getting sick, which better not happen so I can visit him this weekend. Um... not much happened today as far as I can remember. I woke up at 7am though and was like wide awake. Haven't had a nap yet today so I'm feeling prettty tired. You were a suprise kiddo, I wasn't expecting anything like this to happen.
music. all hail the heartbreaker - the spill canvas





      I'm still wearing my hospital band. It makes people look at me funny. I think Tristan should move back here so I have another.. friend. And because he's cool, and I think we would wreak havoc wherever we went. Anyways. I watched Face Off with Frazer tonight. I also... bought some shirts from Bluenotes which was the highlight of my day. Now Jordon wants to do something. I want to talk to someone who I talk to almost every night. Um. Oh right. I don't like drugs, I don't like smoking, and I don't like porn. I don't particularly look for those qualities in other people either. Jesus. Everyone does drugs these days. I'm not uptight. I love tattoos, I love piercings, I love crazy people. Man, I AM CRAZY. But I don't like those things. At all. Why do people come into your life right when you're not expecting them? They turn your life upside down. I can't believe this. I must be crazy. But you would say you must be crazy as well.
music. beverly hills - weezer





      Not cancer, not strep, but the dreaded mono. Ah, my throat turned purple today. SO we went to the emergency, sat around for four hours, and finally got in. The doctor tracked down my bloodwork, said yep, you have mono. Gave me some drugs for the swelling (thank God) and some T3's for the pain (thank youuu!!) and then decided to give me this spray mask thing to numb my throat right away, cept then I had a horrible asthma attack, which got worse when we left, so I was like writhing in the car, thought I was gonna pass out, fortunately didn't. Went to get mom's inhaler at shoppers cause mine are empty, and she's like, "no, you can't use it, you have mono!" SO, I had to wait fifteen minutes while barely breathing and like halfway blacking out for all my meds to be done up. Then they were done, then I felt better. Ah.

      So I just had the anti-inflammatory ones, and at the moment, my throat hurts more than it did before... hopefully that will change shortly. Major headache, which is supposed to be one of the side effects... but on the bright side of things... TIGH-NA-MARA called and offered me the full time banquet server job! I said yes and then said that I had mono and wouldn't be able to come in for another week or so. She said that was fine, and just to call when I'm not infectious! (which should actually be sooner since I've already had this for like five days, and it only lasts 5-10) But that means I can still see Brody, who comes home very soon!! AND hopefully I won't be like so wasted by the mono that I can't get out of bed for three months like certain other people. That. would be lame. That is all. Someone call me and talk to me cause all I do is sleep and surf... the net. CAUSE I'M SO FREAKIN' TIRED!! Whoever gave this to me shall die a long and painful death.

      One last note. My mom is totally freaked that she's gonna get mono now. She said that she is going to buy me my own set of cups so that I don't infect everyone. I thought that was quite funny, a) because I've already used ALL the cups in the house, and b) we have a little something called a dishwasher.
music. we are all on drugs - weezer





      Ok, well, I went and got BLOOD taken today to see if I have mono. That should be back on Tuesday. I am so not going back to work until this stops hurting cause I can't concentrate on anything else. So the other side of my throat has started to swell up. It's about half as swollen as the first side, and this is beginning to worry me slightly as I already couldn't eat without considerable amounts of pain. So now I'm breathing through this little tiny non-swollen part in my throat. Maybe I'll die overnight. I'm sure I'd wake up first and could start panicking or something. I've been eating toast with jam and my antibiotics like there's no tomorrow. I am totally gonna hate toast and jam after this. Three times a day, and toast hurts like a bitch. Grrr! This is so lame. Must get better. Hopefully it IS strep and then I'll be better for next weekend.

      So... last night I could not sleep at all. I woke up like ten times during the night sweating. It was horrible. But I did manage to have ONE dream. Tristan, you were in it! Hahaha, actually it was mostly about Tristan. We were dating and then we went to Tim Hortons cause he had to tell me something, but Jordon and some other girls were there, so he didn't get to. But I knew that he was still in love with his ex, and so I was like crying and it was very weird. That's what I get for late night chats and drinking too much chocolate milk. Hmmm, what else? Brodster gets home this weekend, so I'll have someone else to talk to since I don't really get to do anything for the next little while. I bought the Weezer CD for me and Keith today, and payed some bills off. Keith and I were supposed to hang out but I got really tired and went for a nap and now it's ten so I don't wanna call. Plus I would feel really bad if I got anyone sick, so I guess it's solitary confinement for me. I don't even have any movies. Someone reccomend a book for me! Pleeease!





      Well... yeah. So cancer it isnt! Yayy! I went to the walk in clinic today, after calling in sick at like two in the morning last night cause I was in so much pain that I couldn't sleep. I'll have to call in sick again tomorrow cause I have to go to the lab thing and get tested for mono. And if that comes back negative, then I have strep, which I am already on antibiotics for. So! Yeah. So basically I've done nothing today. I tried to eat some alphagetties but I couldn't. Then I tried cake but that didn't work either. So... I'm STILL hungry. So I just had a nice long bath and now I'm sitting around trying to think of something to do. Lame. I better be better by next next weekend or I shall not be pleased.

      Where ze hell is Keith? He keeps ditching me when I'm talking to him. Keith, I was blastin' Winds of Sorrow out my car today on the way to the doctor. I bet people thought I was cool. Hahaahha I MISS BRODY.
music. winds of sorrow - grimus' shack