Well yes. Janelle told me that I have to update. So... here I am, updating. Let me see. What have I done? I discovered the band, "Brand New." They're excellent. Listen to, "Guernica," and... some other ones from that CD. Um Meagan's wedding was on Saturday. Yes. Meagan is married and having a baby in five months. I got us lost in Duncun (me and Janelle) and Janelle was like, "I wish there was a sign that said "to Duncan," or something." And then we both looked up at the same time, and there was this little street sign that said, "to Duncan." It was beyond excellent. The wedding was nice. Meagan was a babe, Trevor was hot as usual. I got to meet Andrea's mom. Alex was an ass... what else is new. But the wedding was good. Janelle and I were really hungry so we went to Subway and there were some highschool gymnast guys there, and one of them whistled at me! (cause I was wearing an oh-so-sexy dress hahaha) Then Janelle and I made complete fools of ourselves. Janelle by slamming her fingers in the garbage lid, and me by dropping a peice of green pepper on my leg and having it stay there because it had mayonnaise on it. Then we cranked backstreet boys as we rolled out, and got some strange looks.

      I went home about halfway through opening presents cause I was so tired. Then I fell asleep while I was driving for a sec and almost hit a telephone pole. I stayed awake after that. Made it home in thirty minutes! Ummm, slept through church on Sunday, I was sooo tired. Went out with Janelle and Erin to Woodgrove on Monday. Erin bought a hot touque, a sweet Jimmy Eat World CD, and an excellent brown shirt from West49. Erin is a little skater punk now, and very very sexy. Mmmmm, Erin. Um, oh right, on Friday was Erin's eighteenth birthday party at Boston Pizza. Janelle and I got him a shirt from Dog's Ear that had Stewie and some letter blocks spelling out "redrum." It was excellent. We also got him a sign for his room saying something like "sexual harrassment will not be tolerated, however, it will be graded." Something excellent like that I would assume. Yes, so mmm, Boston Pizza. Christy got a little tipsy and Laryssa and I bitched about boys. It was great. Geoff was there too. He was sexay. But unfortunately not at sexay as Erin who I have been enamoured with for quite some time. If Phil is reading this, he's giving me one of those looks where one eyebrow is up and the other is down. Phil don't read my journal you ass!

      Right, so after Erin's party, Janelle, Andrea, and I went shopping for Meagan's wedding gift, which were two laundry baskets full of household things that she would need eventually. We spent like... seventy bucks at Dollar Giant. It was awesome. Um, what else. Oh, who is this Ashley who is commenting on my blog. I've been brainstorming, but I just don't know who it is. I'm gussing it's someone I don't know, who assumes that I am someone they know because I have the same name as one of thier friends. Or something. Well. Hi Ashley. Sup little homie? Anywho... right now I am sick... like the nausea kind, and I'm sitting here debating whether or not I have to throw up. Right now, I do not, but it could be a possibility in the very near future.

      I was watching trailers today, and I want to see the Ring2! Woohoo! I'm going to wet myself in the theatre! I'm so excited cause Samara gives me like nightmares for two weeks straight after I watch that movie, I can't be alone in the dark. Also... sin city looks freaking awesome. I think I shall save some money for either an electric guitar orrrr a sweet digital camera. A leetle one that I can take everywhere with me. I'm rethinking this NewWestminster thing. I could do it in Victoria. My reasons for NewWest were... not the best. However, I do still like the sounds of being in Vancouver for a while, going to the actual JIBC institute. Oh! Also, I got my textbook in the mail, I dunno if I told you. But there's like pictures of a woman giving birth, horse bites, an arm that got stuck in a hay bailer. It's glorious. Half the people I show it to look like they're going to throw up.

      So basically that's it for now. I don't remember anything else, although I'm sure there's probably lots. Ummm, I went to Victoria today with me mom. It was lame. The highlight was eating Subway and hanging out with Joel for an hour. Yeah. Man. That was a little weird. Uhh, leave me some comments, biatches!
music. guernica - brand new





      Figured I should write while I'm actually in the mood. Even if it is coming up on one am. Watched the Notebook a couple days ago. Amazing what movies can do to you. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about if you've seen the movie. Besides that, it was still a good movie. Really good. Went to the mall and made Phil buy skates. They're brown and awesome. Ran into some people, who didn't seem very pleased to see me or something. Some conflict. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

      I really wanted to go to Megan's reception, but I can't because the wedding is in Duncan and Phil is coming to the wedding, but he's not allowed to come to the reception because of conflict with Janelle according to Megan. That really sucks and is really lame and I wish people (all people) would just grow the fuck up. I'm seriously so fucking angry, it's not cool. Stupid fucking immature behaviour from both sides, or so I understand. Whatever. So anyways, I can't go to the reception, as much as I would like to, because I'm driving Phil down there and I can't just leave him in Duncan after the wedding. So, that's that.

      My grandparents decided to pay all of my tuition fees for school in May, which is pretty cool. I sent in my registration today. If I don't get accepted to Parksville, then I'll try for Victoria. That'd be sweet. Get away from the bs for a while. I don't even know where I stand or what I want anymore. I'm just so sick of being the third person in these fucking friendships. The one who has to choose between friends or EVERYONE gets mad at me. Fuck. But yea... I'm gonna go to Vic in a few weeks and see Joel and some other people, hang out with my grandparents. Do normal things that I used to do, before I met new people.

      Yea. Phil says I don't need friends. Well, no I suppose I don't. But it really sucks when they don't seem to want to be friends with you. I feel like I'm being ignored by the people I cared most about. Seems all so and so wants to do is hang out with someone else. Ok, whatever, I have nothing to hide, and I don't think I'm hurting anyone. Janelle and Andrea just hang out together. Crysta with them I guessing. Alex and Chelsea. Drew and his girlfriend. Geoff and his girlfriend. Candace and Mike. I don't see Dan anymore. Joel's in Vic and doesn't seem to be too interested in talking to me. Nathan's always busy when I call. And all Phil ever wants to do IS hang out with me. But I don't want to see him all the time. I don't want to be another person that no one ever sees because I'm attatched at the hip to someone else. Unless it's Alex. I could deal with that. I miss school for this reason. I could go and I had friends. Now I feel like I don't have any. I don't know what I want out of the current relationship I'm in. I'm always having conflicting thoughts about it. But then I think, well, I don't seem to have much else going on for me.

      And now... frick. In tears cause I feel like I'm losing everything I had to live for. I can't go back to being that person that goes to work, comes home, and does nothing... or just hangs out with one person for an entire year. I don't want to be that person again. It just seems that suddenly no one cares about me because of an issue they have with someone else I suppose. I'm not attached to that person. We are different people. God, I just feel so alone in my head right now. Erin's party is on Friday, so I guess I'll get to see the old gang again... then I'll go home and get a reality check. Things won't go back to the way they were... ever. I don't know what I want. I make myself sick sometimes. I am so insignifigant. With so many people, what does it really matter what comes of your life? I have done nothing good with my life. But I doubt anyone would notice if I did anyways. I feel as though I am watching my life go by without me.
collide - skillet





      Work definately wasn't boring today. Dave and Roger caught a shoplifter and they were gonna take a picture of him in the backroom, but he pulled out a syringe and threatened to stab them with it, and then he ran out of the store, past me, and into the mall. Dave and Roger chased after him, with Dave carrying a shelf above his head. They apprently tackled him in SportMart and Dave hit him over the head with the shelf, but somehow, he got away anyways. I should have tripped him when he ran by, but I guess it's good that I didn't since he had a needle and all. Weird. So that was that part of my day.

      Later on, this scruffy looking woman and guy came in and she started crying and stuff about how she couldn't find her keys and how her babies were locked in the car and they were going to be "taxadermied" because they would be frozen to death by morning and on and on. I swear she was totally strung out on crack. They were like calling all these car rental places and then she randomly started screaming. "I hate everyone, I hate people, I hate everyone except for you and my babies!" (oh, the babies are her dogs by the way) So she said this to me (the hating part, she loves her boyfriend) so that was a little strange, I was just like, yeah, whatever. Stupid crack whore. Those were the two weird work happenings today.

      So went to bed just after five am last night. Alyssa stopped by around two and picked up lots of stuff and just generally talked. Phil was over and we talked through stuff. I don't know what happened, but I know the truth will come out eventually. For now, Phil and I are just gonna work through it, and move on. I figure if he can give an ex-girlfriend a second chance, then he deserves a second chance if that's the case. So either way, we'll work things out. You don't realize how much you care for someone until you're on the brink of losing them, as I have realized time and time again.

      Today I saw Phil for a bit before work. We had a Subway lunch, and then it was off to work for me until midnight. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to get my stuff ready for my JIBC application. Then I have work again until midnight. I hope I have a day off soon, cause I'm really tired and my head hurts at the moment. The raviolli I just had isn't sitting too well either... ugh. Anyways, that's my day, blah blah blah.
music. you're so last summer - taking back sunday