Sigh. Just got home from work. It's like twelve thirty. Have to work at Bluenotes tomorrow/today at one until five thirty. Then hopefully, someone will actually call me and tell me what we're doing about getting downtown. Which will morethanlikely involve my car I'm guessing. I have a whole bunch of five to one shifts coming up. That's right kids. Five in the freaking morning. No more late nights for me. Probably gonna go clean my room now cause there's no one to talk to online.

      Didn't get much sleep last night. Watched Anchorman. That was pretty funny. Ugh, woke up at like two thirty this afternoon. And on the thing I've been reading up on:

Symptoms
- Sleep problems: desire to oversleep - yes.
- Lethargy: feeling of fatigue constantly. - yes.
- Eating habits: craving for sweet foods or loss of appetite. - yes.
- Depression: sometimes apathy and loss of feelings. - yes.
- Social problems: irritability and desire to avoid social contact. - no.
- Anxiety: tension and inability to tolerate stress. - sometimes.





well, you're just across the street,
looks a mile to my feet,
i wanna go to you.
funny how i'm nervous still,
i've always been the easy kill,
i guess i always will.

could it be that everything goes 'round by chance?
or only one way that it was always meant to be...
you kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say,
i know what i should do, but i just can't walk away.

i can picture your face well
from the bar in my hotel,
i wish i'd go to you.
i pick up put down the phone,
like your favorite heatmeiser song goes,
"it's just like being alone."

oh god, please don't tell me this has been in vain,
i need answers for what all the waiting after means,
you kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes.
i know what i should do, but i just can't turn away.

so go on love,
leave while there's still hope for escape,
gotta take what you can these days,
there's so much ahead,
so much regret.
i know what you want to say,
i know people can't help feeling differently,
i loved you, and i should have said it,
tell me just what has it ever meant?

i can't help it baby, this is who i am,
sorry, but i can't just go turn off how I feel,
you kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break,
i know what i should do, but i just can't walk away...
music. kill - jimmy eat world






      Somewhat depressed today. I don't like wasting away doing nothing, when I could be doing something. Worked eleven to seven. Got home. No one's around. Everyone's skating? No one was skating. Except Andrew and whatsherface. Began to get really down. Got home, no one's around. Feeling unwanted. Not as a conclusion of today, but just generally. Came across dad's "condition" on the net. Frightened to see that I have several of the symptoms. It's hereditary in many cases; apparently. Missing someone. Missing friends. Missing something. Missing something, but don't know what. Might go to sleep, wake up and go to work, and go to sleep again. The days pass quicker that way. Work until midnight tomorrow. Feel like the outcast. Out of the loop. What am I supposed to be doing? Oh god, please don't tell me this has been in vain... Hopefully feel better tomorrow.
music. kill - jimmy eat world





      Mhm, mhm, today I woke up at three... pm. Janelle reminded me that the malls closed at 5:30, so Kayley and I loaded up and went ps2 shopping. We quickly proceeded to NOT find one anywhere and we were disappointed. We did; however, find the Fight Club game which we will purchase after the ps2 asap. That was pretty much the majority of my day. Talked to Phil on the phone for a bit. Then Janelle. No Apples to Apples for me today :( Then Phil went crazy about me "gossiping," which was actually just me checking with Janelle about something I was worried about. Uh huh.

      Loaded up the mp3 player and went for a run. Definately pushed myself too hard. Ugh. Ran to the fairgrounds and did some laps around there... threw up, walked home. Bleh, followed by some skip-rope and crunches and reading. So that wasn't very much fun. Um, now I am singing ADD really loud and Kayley is screaming because I can only remember like five words and then I launch into my famous jibberish. Even I admit, it's creepy sometimes. I have to work like nine hours tomorrow. Double-you. Tee. Eff. That was my day. Exciting eh? I don't feel so hot, and with that, I'm going to bed early for once.
music. mr. jack - system of a down





      Ah, good ol' boxing day. The one day of the year even I, Tasha Duffy, would prefer not to go to the mall on. However, I did have to work at Bluenotes from twelve to five today... so yea. Damn. Anyways, Kayley was sleeping in my room last night cause we had all that company, so she had to get up at eight. So I reset it for ten thirty. However, I accidently set the time instead of the alarm, so when I woke up on my own and the clock said something like 11:58, I panicked. Ran upstairs to find the number for work, only to look at the clock and see that it's not even nine o'clock yet. Damn me. I went back to bed and didn't get up until eleven fifteen!

      So work sucked. Five hours, no breaks, no food. Me folding the same clothes over and over while my stomach proceeded to eat itself. Pizza finally arrived just AFTER I finished my shift. Then Jay, Alex, Chelsea, and I walked around a bit, looked for Napolean Dynamite, but HMV had sold out! Nooo! So Jay tried on some pants and we went lingerie shopping and I bought everyone pizza and pop. Good times. We were gonna hang out, but Jay was too tired. So I have made an Apples to Apples date with her tomorrow BECAUSE I HAVE THE ENTIRE DAY OFF WITH NO PLANS! Woohoo! So that's about where my day ended. I swear I haven't done anything since then, and that was around six. I wish my middle name was danger. Tasha Danger Duffy. TDD. Tasha Deficit Disorder. Ok, orgasm. That would be excellent. My new goal is to have a horrible disease named after me!
music. the world you love - jimmy eat world





      I suppose I should tell you all about my Christmas now. Well, I got in rather late last night. Fortunately my parents had already gone to bed and weren't in my room putting out my stocking yet. I slept in until ten thirty and then my parents woke me up! My mom brought my stocking in around seven, but I was too tired to even look at it. When I finally did get it, I got a movie pass, chocolates, a grad tree ornament, bobby pins and hair ties, the usual haha, Kayley and I totally kicked my parents asses for stockings this year. There's were pretty awesome.

      So finally we started opening around eleven. I got my 6pak, the Fight Club book, the Screwtape Letters book, some blank cd's, and a few gift certificates. Dan got my a cute little weener dog stuffy named weenie or Bambam. It was awesome! He also got me a ps2 controller, so now I guess I'll go get my ps2 tomorrow hehehe :) My Christmas present to me! Omg! I just remembered Phil hasn't opened his present yet! Hahaha, I hope he calls soon, I wanna hear what he thinks! So I won't write anything about what it is until I know he's opened it. Kayley got the Jimmy Eat World CD and I already ripped it cause it's awesome.

      I got my family the Apples to Apples game. So next time I'm hanging out with you fine people, we have to play! Burned three cd's already and Kayley finally gave me back that old soad cd I had. Woohoo! Phil's at his grandma's still, but he said he'd call me back sometime tonight. No one wants to do anything. My nana and grandpa are over now, so I got a Jesus-book from them, as usual. Oh and thirty bucks. Yayyy, I want my ps2! Then I can stay at home and play games all day. Well, I have to work tomorrow at Bluenotes one to five, so if anyone's shopping at Woodgrove, come see me there! I can't belive how excited I am about New Years! Life is beyond wonderful right now! So happy!
music. pain - jimmy eat world





      I can feel that all too familiar feeling washing over me again. It's scaring me. I haven't felt sad in so long. And now I'm reminded of what it was like last year... my god, was that really last year? I guess it was. And two years ago... Man, if anyone ever asked me what the most recent turning point in my life was, I would say December third, last year. When Nathan dumped me, when I started changing, when I met Dan, when everything I thought I knew just got completely twisted. And now things are changing again, and I'm starting to feel again. Just a little. I can feel. And oh man. It's bringing everything back about how things used to be; about how I used to be. I'm curious, but scared to let down my guard again.

      I suppose I should fill in some blanks. I broke up with Nathan last night. I was so confused. I thought I loved him, I mean, I had wanted to be with him for so long, I missed him, he was my reason... and then, there he is in my life again and what... I'm not even happy. I mean, maybe I fooled myself into thinking I was happy, but... I'd changed. I was in love with this idea that everything could be perfect again. But everything was so different. I just couldn't believe that now he loved me, and I didn't know what the heck I felt. I wanted to feel it again, and I tried and tried, and got so confused. I still don't understand. I hope it's not how I think it may be... I don't want it to come down to me hurting him back.

      I'm scared that might be it. Reel him in so I can use him and leave him. Is that how it was? I just gave up after him, stopped feeling anything, stopped being happy, stopped being around people, stopped caring about ANYTHING. I don't want it to be that I just wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. And so it scares me that I don't miss him. Like... my god. For the first time in so long, I don't miss him, I don't need him. I'm in unfamiliar territory. And it's making me wake up. What was there before him? I'm remembering. Being happy. God. I am happy now. It's just so weird to be happy and not need him.

      Things are going well. Dan. Dan... I don't know. Like, I just don't think I can do anything about it anymore. He sounds like me after Nathan... it scares me. Yea, we had some good times, but I was someone else. I wasn't me. He says he wasn't himself. So maybe we really don't know each other at all. He freaked again over Phil, and I mean. I just don't wanna go there anymore. I'm starting to care about things again, and I don't want to have to care about that. So I won't. That part of my life is over. I depended on him for so long, and now I don't. I don't need him anymore.

      I guess I can't really go into this anymore right now. Other parts concerning this will have to come later. But I'm happy. I've got great friends, and I'm sorry I've been missing out on them for so long. Man, maybe no one gets it, but I swear I've been sleeping for so long, and now it feels like I'm finally waking up. Man... this is wonderful.
23 - jimmy eat world





      Ahh work was stressful today. I was merchandising and Jen was in photo (the incompetent one) and she screwed around with the photo paper and all the machines quit. So I had to fix them and it took me like three hours. And the whole time Roger was mad at me cause I wasn't answering the merchandiser calls, which was because I WAS IN THE DARKROOM! Holy crap people are retarded sometimes.

      So yea, work was interesting then. Um, drove dad to his appointment. The pressure on his eye went back to normal and that's about all I understood. Uh, found the "thing" I was looking for. Finally. It's so awesome. Almost as awesome as Janelle's shirt... but not quite. In other news... HOLY CRAP! I lost another three pounds. Guess that puts me down to ninety-five. Ho. Lee. Crap. Where's my mistletoe? I need some mistletoe.
let's go - trick daddy





      Today was alright. Phil called at one am last night and we talked for about an hour. Damn him. I went to bed at like midnight or something and he has to go and wake me up. Then apparently Nathan phoned at like four am... but I guess I didn't hear it, or maybe I just don't remember. But yea... um people? I live with my parents... don't call me past around midnight until I tell you to. Four am is just way out of the question unless it's on my cell. Which you should all know by now. 802-4601... I'm not going to say the area code because you may be a creepy stalker like that guy from the mall!

      But yea, worked eight thirty to four thirty today. That wasn't too bad, it went by pretty quickly. More bitching from Roger and Sandra about osp, but I've kinda given up on that one, I hate it in there. Ummm, after work I ate dinner which was chicken strips, and Kayley and I went to the mall to find the thing we've been looking for... which we still haven't found. Then the Dog's Ear called and said my shirt was ready, so we went and got Janelle, went back to the mall, picked it up, went back to her house, got Phil to come over, and she opened it. It was awesome. On the back it had that quote from the Emperor's New Groove about the poison for Kuzco, I don't remember how it went.

      But yea, so hung out with Janelle and Phil for a bit, Janelle gave me a nice massage for my back, which hurts, but not so much anymore. Then Andrea came over. That was kind of awkward considering she really doesn't like me. Uhh, Phil's got Andrea's house to himself for the next five days cause they're going away and he's house-sitting. But yea, I think that's pretty much it. Came home around ten thirty and bought some cookies because I was craving them. Looks like I'm eating again, too much as usual. Uhh, right working tomorrow eight thirty to four, then driving my dad to his eye surgery downtown. Someone gimme a call if you wanna do something. I don't have any plans except for on the twenty-fourth I'm going to a Christmas Eve service with my parents because I'm a good daughter.
music. let's go - trick daddy feat. lil john and twista





      Well, that was a nice two hour sleep. I awoke to my phone ringing next to my face and then phil and I talking about nothing in particular, hahaha, except his mom's letter to me. Yea, that was interesting... "where the hell are my shoes!?" Right. Soo yea slept... woke up, took a shower, did nothing, went to the mall with dan. Yea, I know I'm gonna get yelled at. But uh huh, bought an awesome thing... that I won't talk about until after christmas.

      I'm so close to being done my christmas shopping, it hurts. Like if I feel generous, I'll get my friends some chocolate or something. But we all know how much I hate to spend money... haha or not. So Kayley and I went shopping for some stocking stuffers for my parents. Our lame-o ideas included a loofah and soap for my mom, and a book and a gift card for chapters for dad. As well as the assumed chocolate factor.

      Uhh, oh right, we were gonna go to Janelle's after, but it was like ten, so we figured on no. Hot damn, I'm seriously wondering about my back. It aches... no more sock hunting for Tasha. Oh god, I need like a chiropractor... or yes. HOLY CRAP, or homer when he invents that garbage can thing that fixes back problems... or was that peter? I can't remember. Hmm, there's like no room at all under the christmas tree right now, and my parents haven't even put out our presents yet! Woohoo, stuff! Hmm, it's mostly stuff for a) my parents b) other people that aren't me or Kayley.

      So yea, today was basically uneventful. I don't like staying at home anymore! I ended up reading a book my grandma brought down. It was actually rather funny, and I haven't read anything in a while. Oh, I managed to eat something finally. I was actually feeling hungry... or like.. eating. Yes. So I ate the rest of my bagel bites... which was only six, but hey, that's like the first thing I've been able to finish in about three days now. Holy raghoireg, my back!

      Sooo... now I'm going to go to bed cause I have to work 8:30 to 4:30 tomorrow... and I need to actually sleep tonight. Then I work tomorrow... and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that. You get the point, I'm sure. No boxing day shopping for me... no wait... I get off at five... ummm, someone make sure you're at the mall at five, I'm working Bluenotes that day (barf.) Yes, that's right, I said "barf." Uhhh wow, I wrote a whole lot about nothing there. But yea, maybe I shouldn't go shopping considering I promised myself I would start saving money after Christmas. Must save money. Imperitive. So I can go traveling.

      OH! Oh man, I got Janelle's present today. It. Is. Awesome. I'm jealous. I want it. Like seriously. Oh Filly, I took your idea, and that's what it is. Janelle, you biatch! Don't you dare try to pry it out of him, or I won't give it to you. It is so great I could like have an orgasm right now just thinking about it. But yea, it might not be done before Christmas, so you can just have a card or something... and I'll give it to you whenever it's done. Arby is being molested by my cats right now. That's right, Arby the rabies beaver. Oh everone keep on the lookout for a (ask Tasha wtf she's talking about here) so she can get it before Christmas. I swear that thing is evil. Argh work tomorrow. I have no friends :(
music. stupify - disturbed





      Mmm, don't feel so good today. Didn't get much sleep. Was feeling really sick this morning. Tried to eat a sandwich around noon at work but I couldn't eat more than half. Just generally feel like throwing up right now. And my back really hurts. Whine whine whine. I'm going back to bed. Oh. Almost hit a girl who ran out in front of me on my way home from work. Shit, that was scary.
music. with you remix - linkin park





      I am such a loser, and I miss Nathan so much it's killing me. What the heck am I doing? I was just lying on the couch and Tim walked in and sat on me... oh my gosh, it reminded me of Nathan... I miss him so much and he won't even talk to me...





      Holy crap. I was gonna say it feels like it's been a long time since I've written, and I just looked at my journal... and it has. It's been like four days. Hahaha, what did I tell you last time? Ok, so that was Thursday. So that's not too bad. Thursday night I just worked until midnight and I'm not sure if I did anything else.

      Shit. My dad and my mom are talking behind me, and my dad turns around and asks me if I got them a DVD player for Christmas. I said no... (yes, actually father, I did get you a DVD player) and my mom turns around and was like, "yes you did!" I turned around and gave her the nastiest look. My god, she's not very bright, and she really sucks at Christmas sometimes. My grandma's here but I haven't seen her yet since I haven't been home in like two days. Let's talk about that.

      Hmm, so on Friday night, we "kidnapped" Phil after I got off work. We, being Janelle and I... playing pool at her house, while Phil walked accross the street from Andrea's. Yes, we're hardcore. I think that's what happened anyways. Man, I don't remember anything. I'm going to bed as soon as I'm done writing this. This is why I used to update everday... because I forget everything so fast! Blah... ok so I think we hung out and watched Blazing Saddles... yes. Ok, Janelle went to bed and Crysta, Phil, and I watched Blazing Saddles, it was excellent. "Look at this... steady as a rock! Yea, but I shoot with this one!" Hahaha, yea Filly. Ok, Hmm, so I think I drove Filly home around three that night... and so begins the sleepless weekend. So from here, we shall move to Saturday.

      On Saturday I woke up at like one thirty... so early considering I didn't even get to sleep until like four. But yea, got upstairs to discover that Janelle had already gone to Duncan with Andrea earlier that morning, so Phil finally calls me (as I'm searching for his number, which, btw, is really hard when you don't know someone's last name) and we left around two thirty (aka three thirty after we finally got everything together, minus my CD's) Yes, Subway run, discovering no one was home at Janelle's so I couldn't get my CD's and then back to Filly's so we could get his CD's. Hmm, so we had a quick drive down, trying to see how fast my damn car can go... hahaha we determined it was about 165 going downhill... maybe a bit more. Woohoo... Right.

      So the party was overall "interesting." Yes, I think interesting would be a good word. Andrea was there, Phil's ex. Megan was there, also Phil's ex. Janelle and Sam were also there, both of whom like Phil. I think it's safe to say that, I'm pretty sure he knows now anyways. Ummm, let's just say, some girls were rather protective. It was fun up until then... that would be when someone had their hands all over one friend, and my other friend was upset about this. So... both of my friends were occupied. Sam, Filly, and Trevor were crazy stoned. Sam was fucking insane. I was gonna go out with them, but Janlley would have been left by herself -- uncool! I was waiting for round two... which even after a run to Trev's house, never happened. Meanwhile, Filly and Samson were in my car waiting, Samson still crazy high, and eating gummy bears. Yea, backtrack... we got hungry. So above people and I went to Trev's work (Save-On; them still all high) and went searching for the elusive candy aisle... which was NOWHERE to be found... until I found it and bought some poptarts.

      Then we went to Trev's house, and there was some gummy bear promiscuity in my car while he was getting his shit. Hahaha, man, apparently I'm as bad as Samson when she's stoned... and I'm not. But she was so freaking hilarious. Oh right, Samson built a fort under her bunkbed... it was awesome. Um, where was I... oh right, so we get back and I ate some poptarts and other people were all over other people, so I ended up sitting with Trev, who I've never met before... and he's all like, "wanna get drunk?" and that was a yes, soooooooo a little vodka later, he's like asking me what my name is, how old am I, where do I work, do I have a boyfriend. It was awesome... but only because he was hot. Then then was the wonderful, "hey wanna go out for a smoke," but I don't know this kid at all, and Sam and Filly weren't up for round two yet, and I didn't want to be molested, so it was a sad, "no, guess not."

      Trev left a bit later and there was some couch promiscuity amidst Me and Samson and others. With evil glares from someone. Whose name shall not be mentioned. Uhhh, eventually it was bedtime... I dunno what happened in between... other than a two year old like molesting me. "Nooooo, don't leave Tasha!" I hate children. Oh, and lots of awesome music. Yea, so Phil made and interesting couch and slept on that, Samson, Andrea, and Janelle slept in "the fort," and I slept on top bunk cause I only weight ninety-eight pounds, so I wasn't putting a whole lotta wait on that sucker. Hmmm, so a long almost sleepless night... filled with farting stories and Phil being molested by dogs in the living room ended when we woke up probably before nine, and just chilled out in bed for the longest time. That was a whole lot of Phil in the fort being molested by ALL MY FRIENDS! Hahaha, ummmm... chocolate milk for brekkie.

      Meg decided not to come to Nanaimo, so I drove Janelle and Filly back around two-thirty or three-ish. That was an awkward drive filled with angry Linkin Park and me driving fast. Oh, and me trying to crack lame-ass jokes as always and generally looking like a jackass. Uh, so dropped off Phil, and then Janelle, and then went out with Filly to the mall to find the apparently elusive first Disturbed CD, among other things that proved similarly elusive. So off to Filly's house, where we listened to Eminem's 'Ass like that," awesome song. Wrote each other messages for the longest time on a piece of paper while he talked on the phone to multiple people. Then he mum and Gary or Dave or SOMEONE came home and we left, but I got to say hi to his mom, who seems pretty cool. Off to Janelle's, where we all hung out. All, being Phil, me, Janelle, Crysta, Alex, and Chelsea. Sex talk ensued... there were some interesting confessions haha, probably some things I didn't need/want to know. Ewwww.

      Eventually Aly and Chels left... and I went to go get Timmy's so Jay and Phil could talk. Mmmm, blt! Came back, and we all watched Goldmemeber, which was definately awesome. Phil told Janelle something which I hope she isn't mad at me for. Argh, I dunno what to say to her. Like should I apologize or something!? Ahh! I'm no good at the sympathy thing. Man, sometimes I think I'm such a bad friend cause all I do is make jokes when someone's sad, cause I DUNNO WHAT ELSE TO DO! I guess that's just me. Tasha the jackass. Oh well, what can ya do? So yea, then I drove Phil home once again with a promise to call him tomorrow if Samson and I are indeed going shopping. Janelle's having a "family day." Poo! Janelle is my shopping stalked friend! Let me tell you have this came about...

      Ok, so on Friday before the "kidnapping," Jay and I went to the mall, and while in Claires, this creepy dude follows Jay around and asks her what her name is twice, and she finally tells him "Janelle," and then she catches my eye, and we quickly exit the store... and he follows right behind us! So I'm like, "walk faster!" and we sat down on a bench right before the doors. And he goes to the door and 'looks out' and then comes back in and won't stop staring at Jay! It was so creepy. So when he wasn't looking, we ran out of the mall and to my car. Oh, then we got to Subway and we were eating in the car while a creepy kid sat on a garbage can watching us. Jay freaked out wondering if it was the same guy, hahaha :) Although, apparently he was really hot. No Janelle, no he was not.

      Ok, so I think that's pretty much my weekend summed up, minus any bad parts that SHALL NOT go on here. Mainly because I'm an overall nice person. Oh and apparently during Phil and Jay's conversation while I was at Timmy's, she told him that I had cheated on all my boyfriends. Thaaaat was a conversation stopper on the ride home with Phil. Thanks Janelle, I bet he thinks I'm a great person now. Whatever though, shit's in the past and it can stay there. Well... I'm quickly losing my motor skills, sorry bout the spelling? Time for bed like I promised. Night faithful followers.
music. stupify - disturbed





      Hello mon amis! Or however the heck you say it in french. Today I got up at one, only because I only stayed up until two last night, and even then, I only woke up because the stupid phone rang and it was only a telemarketer. And there I was, standing in my pajamas, at the ungodly hour of one in the afternoon, thinking, "why do none of my friends ever call me unless I threaten them with death!?" Then I ate bagel bites for brekkie/lunch and lots of chocolate milk.

      Last night, I stayed up until two talking to the_dan on msn. He wanted to come over and say "goodbye" and I told him I didn't want him in my house or near my house, and I'd only see him at work. I then proceeded to lock all the doors and my window in case he decided to try that again, which wasn't fun the first time. So we had a decent conversation, which was opened with him saying, "I guess you took back my birthday present eh?" Or something to that effect. I told him he could have it. (Little does he know that it's because no one.... nevermind, I can't say that yet because then he'll know what it is!)

      But yea, so basically things are finally changing, and the weekend is looking good, and I'm quite excited about it and other things. Christmas is coming! Ahhh, I still have to wrap presents and get my cats to stop eating the tree. Peeing is so inconvinient. In other news, turned comments back on because nothing desperately sad is going on in my life, and so, your comments won't be pathetic. Just kidding my little followers, but comment away. Gdit. My hair was in pins last night and I didn't take them out, so this morning I look like... um, let's have some creativity here... Tasha having a really bad hair day. Wait... I couldn't care less! Ahhhhhahahahaha, someone come visit me at work, four to midnight, come on! I'll buy you a snack!
music. with you - linkin park





      Thought you might all want an update on my oh-so-interesting life. Am I right, or am I right? Thought so. Anyhow, I've actually been keeping fairly busy. I had yesterday and today off... being Tuesday and Wednesday. Yesterday, I worked at Bluenotes twelve to four, which sucked compared to my last shift... the manager's kind of a bitch, but whatever. Then Janelle and I went to the mall and walked around talking because there was nowhere else to go. Then we went back to her house and played pool. And I won two times because she sank the eight ball! I was so proud of myself. Phil came over soon after and fun ensued.

      Omg. Phil is like orgasmically funny hahahah ;) That kid is psycho, and for some reason or another thinks I am crazier than him. He was weirded out by the fact that Janelle is immune to my "lesbian advances." Yes. That's right. Janelle and I are lesbian lovers! Righto, so we watched some of Emperors New Groove, (best Disney movie EVER!) and listened to some Eminem while Phil and I sang about asses. And Michael Jackson. That was good. Man... we are perverted and should never be in the same room together. Or at least, that's probably what Janelle is thinking. Something along the lines of, "I never ever should have introduced them to each other." Well I finally drove 'Filly' (aka JuicyFruit) home around two and we chatted about things, and almost went to Timmy's except he has to go to school in the mornings... what a shame! School is such a royal pain in the ass.

      Hmm, in other news, freaked out Megan on msn, that was good. We talked about things which I won't repeat... although I will tell you that I want to free the reindeer and Megan wants to free the snowmen, but I said that would be illogical because they would melt and therefore never produce any offspring. Pfff, Megan, you're so silly! Janelle went off at Dan on msn, it was actually rather amusing. But whatever, I don't need to talk about him, although I should probably explain why she went off at him. Basically he was really mad that I was talking to Nathan on the phone, so he picked me up, squeezed me really hard and threw me down. Just another stairs incident. Phil said he would kick his ass. I like it when boys actually want to protect me instead of hurt me. Blah blah blah... long story short, we're talking, but more as coworkers, and I've decided I don't want to see him outside of work.

      So in other news... several boys are worried about me now, hahaha, it's great. I always wanted big brothers... Yeah, so I'm not going to Abbotsford this weekend anymore cause Shoppers messed around with my work sched, so now I can't go, which isn't too bad, cause that means I get to go with JuicyFruit and Janelle to the Party in Duncan! Woohoo! Hot damn, I'm so excited. I'll either be taking Janelle down, or we'll be going down with JF and Cowboy... I'm not sure if I want to have my car since I doubt I'll be making very good decisions the next morning hahaha :P

      Well, today I drove my dad down to Victoria for his eye appointment, and now he's staying there until Friday and picking up my grandma for Christmas, whom I haven't seen in like five years. Hmm, I suprised Jowel at school and he was shocked and that was awesome. I love suprising people. Got back home and was really bored, and finally managed to convince Janelle to go to Timmy's with me. Sooo we went to Timmys... and the bank and stalked JF outside of Andrea's house, trying to call him on my cell, only to find out I didn't have any minutes left. Blah blah blah, I didn't have any money so we ordered all our food and ended up going to a different Timmy's and ordering it all again. It was excellent.

      Got back to Janelle-ifers and finally got Phil on the phone, but he was too tired to hang out, which sucked. So we made plans to kidnap him on Friday after I get off work. Blah blah blah, lots of talk about sex and my ghetto booty among other things which I don't remember. Brought up the idea of boarding on the 27th since Joel can't come anymore. Filly, we need to go boarding. Janelle... you need to go boarding/skiing and not die! Umm Dan's trying to get me to forgive him again. Well, sure I'll forgive him, I just don't want to see him anymore. I don't feel so angry these days, and he's really angry, so I just don't wanna be a part of that. Anyways, I've got plans for the weekend and it rocks... working tomorrow four to midnight and friday eleven to seven. Kidnapping Filly, THEN PARTY TIME!! Woohoo! Yayyy! Can't wait... Janelle, we gonna party like it's your birthday all over again. Man, I forgot what it was like to actually have a life... I'm never getting married, never settling down and never having kids... well.. until I'm like thirty MAYBE if I find the right guy. Until then, let's party it up.

      Man, I am so confused about guys right now. But we shan't get into that. Damn all you boys. You're sexing up the atmosphere and making it to hot to breathe hahaha ;) Man that line is totally true; "If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking."
music. swing swing - all american rejects





      Yesterday was Janelle's party. I was a little late picking up her, Meghan, and Cara cause Jen didn't show up to work until ten minutes after I was supposed to be gone. But we all headed over to pick up Phil from MGM and then went to the arena to skate for an hour. Alex, Chelse, Geoff, Theresa and Erin all showed up, and a good time was had. Oh yea, and Meghan and Sam too. Sam is farking hilarious.

      So skating was awesome. I pushed Janelle over by accident and almost ran into everyone... by accident. Yes. Phil and I chatted it up, and then it was off to get Janelle's nose pierced, but the dude who does the piercings had gone home, and so we drove around, Phil in my car. He's quite interesting and we agree on a lot of things. So we went to MGM for dinner and Phil got my free food! I had a BLT and it was awesome. Meghan had some drama... Sam was loud... other things.

      Went to my house and played Dirty Minds for a while, then off to Full Circle and chatting with Alex and Erin when they showed up there. And off to Timmys to be IGNORED by everyone so I had to go hang out with Steve and Shane. I went home early because nobody was talking to me, and called Nathan who wasn't home and then worked on my webpage for a bit... now it's interesting and Dan thinks it sucks. Nathan called me back at like a quarter to one in the morning and we talked until around three I think. It was nice. Might be going up to see him this weekend. The only bad thing is I'll miss hanging out at Sam's party! I really wanted to go! Oh well... ladies, call me sometime! I'm so bored and I want to parttyyyy!
music. new jersey devil - coheed and cambria





      Today I only got to sleep for four hours. Then work called and I stupidly picked up the phone and then stupidly agreed to go into work at nine forty-five in the morning. No thank you. I already had a cup of insane this morning! Blah blah blah work was lame. I worked my ass off. E-ran/James came in and my boss saw me talking to him and he fucking asked him to leave me alone! What the hell!? Why does everyone else in the store get to talk to people, except for me!? Then he said I needed to work harder. Whatever. It's just work, but I still hate it when people don't at least recognize my efforts.

      So after work, Dan and I went to the mall to finish my Christmas shopping. Unfortunately, I could not find the main thing I was looking for. I did however find something, but we're not going to talk about that right now. I did get some sunglasses for boarding and a hoodie for work. (I have to wear current bluenotes shit) Umm... saw Chelsea, Alex, and Janelle at the mall. Went back later without Dan and hung out with Janelle and PHIL. Damn. Phil is one fine explicitive. I know, I know. But come on, it's a personal thing, I really like the bad boys... grubby boys. Drool. Janelle you lucky bi-atch! But yea... we won't go there. He's really friendly. Yes.

      Skating with Janelle and others on Sunday if I can switch my shift around. I hate trying to change my schedule, it hardly ever works out for me. Chelsea thinks I still like Alex or something... I don't know why. I think they make a cute couple... very insecure, but cute nonetheless godammit. I don't wanna fuck every boy I see. Just some. Blah blah blah, chocolate milk, cookies, someone driving forty kph. Phil is really hot. Blah. Work tomorrow. All effing day.
music. closure - chevelle





      Today I slept in until around two thirty. It was nice. I actually woke up around eleven, but I went back to bed and two really weird dreams. In the first one, me and someone else were doing this bike ride path thing and I was trying to do some wicked cool trick and I landed on my head and then Joel was trying to make me feel better.

      The other dream was crazy. I was at this waterfront thing with like everyone I know and we were playing some game where like groups of five people had to swim around in the water and one person had to try to bite everyone else. So someone was trying to bite me. Then Nathan showed up and his parents were trying to keep me from noticing. Then we ran away and everyone was trying to catch us, and we were like in England and France, and Nathan's dad was chasing us, and we had to hide like underwater and eventually we lost him when we joined the tour de France... which was actually a runners thing. Then somehow we were at my house and trying to dye our hair and we found out my dad was trying to find us too... and that's about when my dream ended... it was so weird.

      In other news, my parents still aren't going to be home tonight because my dad can't even be a passenger on the Malahat because it will somehow affect his eye. Kayley and I watched Hero... which was interesting, but confusing at times... but had the most amazing visuals. Dan should be coming over soon, he has my money and there's no food in the house, so I could really go for a grilled cheese sandwhich from East-West Cafe in the mall. Tomorrow I'm going to attempt to finish my Christmas shopping. Blah blah blah, I'm so gross today. You seriously do not want to see me.
music. go on - taking back sunday





      Well, Dan is over at this fine hour and we just finished setting up and decorating the christmas tree. It looks lovely. I'll try to remember to post a picture on the site soon. The cats keep trying to eat the ornaments etc. So we had to move Mr. Asperigus. Don't ask. Hahaha, the stockings still have to go up but I can't find any nails... oh and I don't want to put any of my presents out yet because my cats tend to eat cardboard. I'm hungry now. Mmmm food. Mmmm cardboard. I just found out that I have tomorrow off, which is awesome. Dan wants to go play some spyro in my room and I want to get into my pajamas. I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow! I'm so excited. Dan and I listened to Christmas music and drank hot chocolate and kissed under the mistletoe. It was so christmasy! I love Christmas! Kayley's been in bed since around ten, but I think we probably kept her awake. My parents still aren't back from Victoria, I think my dad had another post-surgery appointment today, so they'll be coming back tomorrow. Well, I shall be gone to go play some video games with the_dan. Oh, hahaha, I was just kidding about the whole kissing under the mistletoe thing, hahahaha :P
music. the first noel - nsync!





      Hmmm. Just got home like half an hour ago from work... which was insane to say the least. Sandra was on my case to do this and I was backed up with about four hours of mess. (aka Jen's work) Blah blah blah, you know the story. Stuff happened. Don't feel like getting into it because it's work. You know.

      Dan came over last night around midnight. We hung out and I was having stomach-gasms (aka I was hungry) so we went to Timmy's and Dan bought me a blt. It was yummy, but the girl on staff was a real bitch. Hissss! So thanks Danny. I guess you can have your christmas and birthday presents after all. So then I pretty much fell asleep and he left and I got to sleep in! Yay! Janelle's party is on Sunday and I don't even know if I'm working that day or not. I should probably find out soon. It's her birthday today! Happy birthday Nellifer. Or should I say... Poonelle!? Is it a troll... or maybe, A TROLL! Thanks Dan.

      My parents should be back soon tonight. Rob (the person formerly known as Kayley's lover) is over and they are watching a movie downstairs. I just drank a coke instead of chocolate milk which is weird. I hate coke. It was pretty gross. Saw Man and Mike at work today. Blah blah blah... I'm really bored. Hmm, I was listening to this song this time last year. Strange.
music. three simple words - finch





      So freaking bored right now. Tired. Really bad mood. Soft of talked to Nathan on the phone. Sort of meaning I was generally miserable while he talked about me visiting and then me saying I didn't really feel like seeing him? Yea, I dunno what's up with me. It kinda sucks, but then, I kinda could care less. Just not excited about it, I guess you could say. Don't really feel like going on a trip blah blah blah.

      Parents went down to Vic tonight so my dad could have surgery done on his eye. He has a detached retina or something. So yea, Kayley's in bed and I'm sitting here being super bored. Parents aren't coming home until tomorrow evening, and I get to sleep in tomorrow. Bad mood. Is it catching. I put Nathan in a bad mood, Joel... I am currently talking to Peter, but he's generally happy and I'm generally not saying anything. Peter wants to go out and do something, but I'm a fucking lamer. Janelle's birthday tomorrow. I hate relationships. Quote for the day: "If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking." - from the movie, Closer.





      I have decided to write about my day because I am super bored right now. I was going to make a grilled cheese sandwich... but we have no bread or cheese, so there goes that plan. Then I was going to make my Chunky soup, but Kayley ate it for lunch, so dammit, here I am, getting fatter by the second because I am eating mini eggs for dinner. So that's that.

      Well, I worked eleven to seven today. Jolly good. Not. It was retarded. As usual. I was "merchandising" aka, I was on the till for like an hour about half an hour into my shift. I was pissed. I wanted to breathe smoke. Ass. Crap. Fuck. Shit. I hate working on till so much that I can't even tell you, except that it's a freaking lot. Um, blah blah blah, Tracey was treating me like a two year old, telling me how to do things I already know. That pisses me off, when people treat me like dumb shit. I can't help it that they're idiots.

      Anyways, the highlight of my day was when this old woman came in on her scooter driving at "high speeds"... well, it was high speeds considering she was going down a narrow aisle, and people were like jumping out of her way. Anyways... so she comes in wearing some weird goggle things, leaning forward on this speeding scooter with it's lights on SO bright, tracking dirt all over the floor, and with this dog in the front basket leaning forward too. It was all rather amusing. I mean, come on, you have to picture something like that.

      In other news, talking with the_nathan last night for half an hour, then went out for coffee with mandis. (aka, she had coffee, and I had hot chocolate or a cinnomen bun which was nasty) Um, I think that's pretty much it. Mountain opens on the eleventh! Woohoo! I shall be going soon afterwards with the_mandis. Spectacular! Erm... I want grilled cheese like a whole damn lot.
without you here - finch





      I just had some unfortunate news. Because Washington only has thirty cm, they delayed opening until the eleventh! That's two whole days! And that's still conditions permitting! Noooo! That's unfortunate. Things to get still: some sweet firefly glasses and... some more christmas presents. We won't go into details on those just yet. In other news, I'm still in Victoria, have been since Saturday night. It's been actually quite boring, hasn't it Joel? Hahaha, we watched movies and went for a walk in Beacon Hill and other stuff. We watched Elf, which sucked, and Babes in Toyland, in which Keanu Reeves was hilarious. Then I watched The Fly 2, which is awesome. Eric Sholtz is the hottest "five year old" ever! I want to rape him. He was also the pervert (very hot pervert) dad in Butterfly Effect.

      Took some pictures of asses with my old school camera, and yea. What else. Ate some junk. Ate some not-so-junk. Listened to the entire Eminem Encore CD, which has like maybe one serious song. And listened to about half of my new Thursday CD, which is awesome. Errrric, my lover, come for me! I want you! Anyways... talked to Nathan for a bit today... I should be back for eleven thirty provided it's not snowing on the Malahat. I've never driven in snow before! Yay! Death for Tasha! Work tomorrow, I don't know what time. Back to the grind. Payday on Friday... which means buying things, including Janelle's birthday present. Dammit Janelle, I hate it when people's birthdays are in December! Lalala, do you like my new birthday list? It's sweet. If your birthday's not there, I most likely don't know when it is... in which case, you should tell me. Eeeeek! Eric! I love you! I want to have like ten thousand of your babies!
music. voices of violence - billy talent





      Dan's being a total prick today. He got pissed off because I had to go on my break like five minutes before he decided to go, and then because I didn't follow him to the foodcourt like a fucking puppy. Now's he saying shit about Nathan again, and how he wants to kill him... haha, you know, the usual. That kid is a fucking retard. I seriously think he should be in the psych ward sometimes. Unfortunately, everytime I put him there, he doesn't seem to stay for more than a couple hours. Then he was going on about how I should, "fucking, grow up," blah blah blah. Right Dan, I thought you were the one acting like a six year old here. Whatever. Decisions in my life don't concern him anymore. He's just pissed off because he wants to be with me, and I think he's a total asshole, and I love someone else. Wtf, his mood was all over the place today. He'll eventually apologize for being such a dick, as usual. I'm just wondering how many times I'll forgive him before I take a fucking hint.

      In other news, ended up going for coffee with Dan and Sid last night. No comment. That was interesting. Worked today, ten til six. Had a review with Roger (the manager) and Sandra (the ass. manager) Yes. Ass. Anyways, they were telling me how I HAVE to get the daily task list done every day in photo and how I need to work harder and shit. I wanted to fucking punch Roger in the face. And I like Roger. So I was really fucking pissed off. Sandra, I just wanted to drop dead, as usual. I was trying to calmy explain to them that just because there are no people in line in osp, does not mean I am not working my ass off. Remember that day I wrote about a few back? Yea. That was hell, but Sandra didn't think I was busy even though I had thirty-five rolls of film hanging up to do. Retards. Dammit, that really pisses me off. Also, there was this senile old man picking his nose while he was asking me where the Christmas light were. I almost threw up on him. Then Rebbecca and I were saying how you have to have a little bit of your shirt untucked because you didn't want "poof in the pants." So then we went around asking Lan Ahn and Michelle if they had "poof in the pants," or "PITP." That was amusing, and that's about all I have to say. Victoria tomorrow! Yay!

      Oh, hahaha, god, Dan was also mad that we coudn't hang out because I'm going to Vic tomorrow. Now, I told him about this nearly two weeks ago now, and he still gets pissed. Then he went off about how I practically live down there and how I'm down there every weekend. So I had to remind him that I spend nearly every day with him, and I went down maybe every two weeks for about two months, but that I haven't been down in a month, and I DO have other friends I like to see. God. What the hell is wrong with his head? Like, he's seriously fucked up. So now he's blocked. Maybe he'll take a hint. Whatever, he'll read this anyways.
music. the blower's daughter - damien rice





      Sigh. I just asked Dan if he wanted to go out to Timmy's with me and his reply was, "Sid says, yes we'll go." I didn't invite Sid, so that kind of pissed me off, but whatever. I'm really freaking hungry. Whatever. I bought an awesome sweater from Suzy's today. It's grey and it rocks. Shopping with mother was uneventful. The only thing we found for Kayley was something I'm not going to say because she reads this sometimes I think. Nevermind.

      So then was my first shift at Bluenotes. It was awesome. I learned all the till stuff and Andrea (the awesome assistant manager) said I caught on really quickly. So then I just tidied and helped customers and Andrea showed me lots of stuff. But yea, I was supposed to be off at nine, but I ended up staying until ten and talking to Andrea about the company and other stuff, so she taught me a lot of extra stuff. So that was pretty cool. All in all, I had a good time, and I got another shift in a week and a half, but hopefully I'll get called in before then. So yea, good stuff. Go home and Nathan called me around ten twenty. We talked for about an hour and then I was gonna go get my ass-mar meds, but now Dan is screwing up our coffee at Timmy's so I haven't got out of the house yet. Dammit. Working tomorrow ten to six.
music. what are you waiting for - gwen stefani





      Morning all. Do you like the new template? It's excellent. If you want your linkie put up, just ask and If I don't hate you, I just might do it. I even got a blog counter so I can see if anyone actually reads said blog! Yay! Right now, my mother is getting ready to go out because we are going shopping for Kayley's Christmas presents. Why does she need me? Because Kayley never wants anything.

      Sid's still over at Dan's, so I haven't seen him in a while. Worked an eight and halfer yesterday instead of the four I was sceduled. Don't you hate it how that happens all the time? But yea, talked to Joel for a long while yesterday, as well as Peter, with whom I'm probably going to go see 'Finding Neverland' when I get the chance. Yea, I really need to get out more. Today I work at six to nine at Bluenotes, so we'll see how that goes. I'm somewhat excited... just because it's Bluenotes and all, and now I'm even making money to be there! Anyways, my mother has returned, so off I go.
music. swing swing - the all american rejects