I was going to go to Victoria this weekend. I had it all planned out. I was going to leave in 8 minutes and surprise Joel by picking him up from school. I was all packed and ready to go. I got today off at Shoppers and told Bluenotes that I couldn't work this weekend. Then I woke up this morning. I had some dreams and I felt like garbage... but not physically. I lied in bed for about half an hour arguing with myself about whether or not I should get up and go. You know how usually when you can't make up your mind, you already know what the answer is going to be? Well, this morning I really couldn't decide. So finally I got up thinking maybe I just need to wake up. It hasn't helped. I'm sitting here at my computer debating whether or not to go in five minutes. I probably won't, and if I do, I'll just delete this post. I feel kind of bad, but it's not like Joel knew I was coming.

      I'm trying to figure out a reason why I should go. Joel says he misses me. He's about the only person I would go down to see... I kind of want to see him, but what good would come of it? He likes me... I like... well, I mean, come on, I don't even know what I want. One minute... somehow don't think it's going to happen. I'd go back to bed but I'm not tired. Kayley's here with her friends from Victoria and I am sitting here looking like crap and being all emo on my computer, hahaha. Right, so Joel, whenever you read this, sorry but well... yea. Sorry. I had everything set up and I just can't. Man, I'm so pathetic. I don't want to go because everything is different there, and if something happened then my whole freakin' world would change and I really can't deal with that right now. Here, at home, is comfortable. I can sit on my computer, go to my job, and hang out with Dan. And get totally wasted tonight because I don't have anything better to do.
music. until the day i die - story of the year