Hahahaha, I was just a complete bitch to one of my best friends and now I'm laughing about it. Wanna know what I thought about yesterday? Forcing someone I knew to either kill themselves or me. Then I started laughing. Hahahha, I think I'm really losing it. Hahahahahaha, fuck, I'm crazy.
music. something i can never have instrumental - nine inch nails





      I must tell everyone about quite possibly the stupidest customer I have ever had. Like fifteen minutes before I was supposed leave from photo, this guy comes in and tells me he'd like the one hour photo. I say ok and get all his info, and he says he'll come back in an hour. Then he puts twelve rolls of film on my desk. I'm like uh... twelve rolls will take until late tomorrow. And he's like, what, you said this was one hour photo. I said yes, one roll in one hour. And then he went on about how it was false advertising blah blah blah. He says he'll be by around noon tomorrow and I have to tell him that we don't even open until ten, and it's going to take me until at least four to get them all done. He finds this unacceptable and stars freaking out at me, so finally he agrees to come in at two... so... um, yea. Damn.

      Crap, I just remembered I have to go to Drew's driving test tomorrow... no! I thought I was going to be able to sleep in for once! No such luck, I have to be at ICBC at 9:15 tomorrow morning. Then I have to go to work at one. Napping time in between. Here's some more frickin lyrics that appealed to me today.

Sometimes it feels like I don't really know whats going on, time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here... never fall in love, never fall in love again. last train home - lostprophets.

I am watching the rise and fall of my salvation, there's so much shit around me, such a lack of compassion. make me bad - korn.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long, erase all the pain till it's gone, I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real, I wanna find something I've wanted all along, somewhere I belong. somewhere i belong - linkin park.
music. make me bad - korn






      This entry isn't about anything special. None of my entrys are hahaha. Well, while talking to Geoff, I somehow managed to 'uncorrect' my own spelling. So now, I shall continue to uncorrect everyone's spelling. Until I forget in like ten minutes that is. Joel uncorrected my spelling, then continued to say some nice things to me which were spelled terribly wrong. Hahahaha, we decided that you always mess up the spelling when you're saying something important.

      The one thing I totally hate about this is that you can never write what you really feel, because you don't want someone else to know or whatever. I think I might have already written about this, but it's bugging me. Heh, I mean if I wrote down everything that crossed my mind, I'd probably have no friends eventually. But yea, hum, that's all I have to say about that. Go see "The Forgotten." It kicks ass.

      If no one knows you as well as you know yourself, (this is completely random... sort of) and someone says they love you, but there's absolutely nothing about you to love... who's right, you or them? I don't think that made any sense. It's like, no one knows everything about you, especially not all the terrible things, yet they say they love you... so do they love you, or do they love the person you let them see. Which brings me to my other point. If you act differantly around different people, are you putting up an act or... I don't know, is that just part of you? I guess I'm wondering if I am everything bad and that is who I am, or am I also the nice laughing person... or is that just a mask. Ok, I'm not making any sense now.
music. picture of jesus - ben harper





      I thought I would take a nice little exerpt from one of my favourite songs and customize the lyrics to fit my current situation. And yes, I mean ALL of it. Bastard.

Well, I looked at his face and then I knew he changed/ my heart turned black and then the sky turned gray/ my heart turned black and then the sky turned gray/ so I sat in my room for 27 days/ no he never called, I had something to say/ no he never called, I had something to say!

Well, I heard he's great and his new girlfriend's lame/ he can go to hell I'll never be the same/ he can go to hell I'll never be the same/ and these open wounds will heal with time they say/ my heart turned black and then the sky turned gray/ my heart turned black and then the sky turned gray!

Why would he put me through such torture/ I would have given my life for him/ he was the one that knocked me over/ now I'm alone sitting on the corner
music. the ex - billy talent






      It was inevitable. Something had to go wrong. And now I shall bitch about the most evil thing on earth. My place of employment... Shopper's Drug Mart. Ok so today, both Dan and I had a day off. We know this because the schedule tells us so. I know this because Dan knows this. (sorry, had to insert the random Fight Club quote in there) Anyways I went over to Dan's house to wait for him to get back from his hair appointment, (his hair is now uber-sexy) because he was mad at me and we all know I hate it when people are mad at me.

      To the point, his parents get a call saying he's late for work. Now this is not good news, seeing as he's was just late the other day and they keep saying they're going to 'let him go' if this behaviour keeps happening. However, today was not his fault, as him and I were in there like two days ago, writing down his schedule for the next three weeks. Anyways, when I went in there to drop of his uniform, the schedule says he isn't working today! WTF! Which brings me to the ultimate point that Shopper's Drug Mart is a crap-ass company that no one should ever work for.

      So Dan had no choice but to go in right after his hair appointment, at which point we debated over whether or not he should quit right then and there. He decided against because he needs it on his resume and because I am most likely his bad conscience saying, "tell them to fuck off, then walk out the door, and crap on your uniform." (the crapping on the uniform was an old employee's idea (by the name of Wendy) who hated the damn company so much that she decided to "wipe her ass" (her words) with the uniform and leave it in front of the front doors). Anyways, so Dan is still at work. Until midnight. Thus spoiling my entire day. He did however decide that should he ever have another shitty job, he would put in his resignation by peeing all over the counters. Bravo Dan, bravo. You are my hero and I love you very much!
music. the ex - billy talent





      Well, this morning I had to wake up at 8:15 to drive Kayley to school. Needless to say, I immidiately went back to sleep as soon as I reached my bed. (aka; humanly possible) Anywho, so before that, I had woken up at 5:45 from the strangest dream. And now, I shall go into depth on my incredibly strange dream, which we shall call... ooh, "Birth!" (without the exclamation mark)

      I was lying in a hospital bed, there wasn't much in the room, and everything was white. The door was open but I couldn't see anyone out in the hall; it looked pretty much deserted. So... eventually these two doctors or nurses came in and quickly gave me a shot in the arm, telling me "don't worry, it makes it all easier," or something like that. After they leave, I suddenly go into labour, but how was I supposed to know I was pregnant since my stomach wasn't big or anything? Right, so there was so no pain, (cause of the damn needle, I'm guessing) and this baby just kinda came out and was lying in front of my on the bed. And it looked at me with these big black eyes and I turned it over and it's face started to go blue. It wasn't breathing! So then I got really panicked and got off the bed and started giving it mouth to mouth, and then suddenly it was fine. So... there I am with a baby lying on my hospital bed... then I think I must have woken up. It was weird beyond anything.

      In other news, this morning (well the second one around 2pm) I woke up with a big zit under my nose. So in traditional Tasha fashion, I did away with it. That's about it.
music. a little more - skillet





      I love how music can so perfectly convey what you're feeling. I love it when the lyrics reflect what I feel so closely. It's like someone wrote those songs just for me.

am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ knew you were here/ sister confirms suspicions/ and beside the note/ you left on my bed/ where I held you so close/ did you think I'd forget/ couldn't be more of a mess/ for to breathe/ used to be another way/ i'd take you in

well it's time to wake up/ and separate feelings/ that I keep falling into/ each seem like good reasons/ that I feel a break down/ i don't care if it shows up/ i'm praying this for you/ 'til it's answered I'll say

now it seems there's a choice/ that began with a break/ so today/ know that never again/ will I know you that way

well it's time to wake up/ and separate feelings/ that I keep falling into/ each seem like good reasons/ that I feel a break down/ i don't care if it shows up/ i'm praying this for you/ 'til it's answered I'll say

am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ am I alone in here/ am I alone in here
music. one lonely visitor - chevelle





      Well, as you may have guessed, today I went rollerblading with Geoff. That has been about all I've done besides consume chocolate milk and peanut butter ice cream. Now that school's over, I feel an overwhelming desire to make a lot of new friends and you know, maybe actually go out and do something for a change. Fortunatly snowboarding season is coming up soon; that sounds good. Just need to go get my board fixed and I'm ready to go come December. Now I can even drive myself to Mt. Washington!

      Oh, Geoff passed his road test yesterday. Yay, Geoff! Drew's going for his next week sometime. Fortunatly I convinced him to get some professional lessons. Righto, sooo, I really want to get a guitar and then maybe I won't sit on the computer all day being a big lamer. On a random note, my arms hurt -- maybe my muscles are getting bigger!
music. obvious - blink 182





      Today was lame. I was late for work cause I had it written down that I had to be there at 10:45, so work calls me saying that I was supposed to be there at 9:45 and so yea. I was late, and my annual review's coming up this month I think. Whatever, I need a new job where your supervisors don't act like your job is your life and turning down a shift means imminent termination. Anyways in photo, this lady came in and bitched at me because her photo's weren't done, (which wasn't my fault) so I told her to screw off. Then I got fired.

      Just kidding. I wish. Anyways, work was fairly uneventful after that. What else did I do today. I talked to Joel a lot today which always makes me happier. He just manages to make me smile when I feel like complete shit, which is nice. Later on, Drew and I went driving. Also known as Drew drove my car like James Bond, except without the... I don't know, being James Bond. We ended up going to Parksville and playing on the beach playground. Then the Coke machine stole our money. (Damn you Coke-a-cola) Then I almost died from ass-mar brought on by -- god forbid -- having too much fun. Having a respitory problem that can kill you is not cool. I repeat, not cool as in not something you want for Christmas. But, yea I didn't die.

      On a crappy note, Nathan blocked me on MSN, which means he probably won't speak to me for another 6 months which is lame and I'm probably heart-broken right now and will soon go into "I want to die mode," but I already cried in the shower and now I'm just pissed off. I think I seriously need to go make out. That was sarcasm. But yea, yay, I get to watch the Gods Must be Crazy at Dan's tonight, and then I have two days off.
music. a decade under the influence - taking back sunday





      It's been nearly a year since Nathan and I broke up. Well, seeing him in April helped. Then he went away for the entire summer to work at a camp. He said we'd talk about him and I when he got home, but no word. No answers to my e-mails, I don't have his phone number, I don't even know his address. I can't get him off of my mind. I try not to think about him because it actually hurts and I can't think straight. But I dream about him and think about him all the time. I remember everything we did together. I can't bare the thought that he doesn't even ever think about me, that I'm just some part of his past now. I can't bare to think of him being with someone else.

      I just want to talk to him, to get everything out in the open. He knows I still love him, so why does he have to leave me hanging like this. I haven't said anything this blatantly about him in my journal in months. I was afraid of hurting other people's feelings, people who mean a lot to me. But I'm just sick of pretending everything is fine. Everything is not fine. I'm so in love it hurts, and it's like he doesn't remember anything about me, or I mean nothing to him. I tried to move on, honest to God, but then there he was, back in my life, and I haven't been able to shake him since then. It would be easier if only I knew how he felt. If he just told me he didn't love me... I would be crushed, but at least I wouldn't have to wonder anymore. I can't bare this not knowing. Not knowing if he wonders about me too. I messed things up so badly, I know that, I really screwed up. Just why can't this work out for me. Nathan, I just want to talk to you.

      I really get scared when it feels like I can't feel anything in my life. Like nothing's really happening or nothing matters and the only thing that still makes me feel anything is you. When everything I say or do is like an act, you're the one thing that makes me hurt. If you're reading this, and I guess that's the only reason I wrote it, I really miss you. I need to talk to you so badly. Whenever it's clear out and you can see the stars, I always look for the big dipper and think of you... and I always have to wonder if maybe you're thinking of me too.
music. yes - stavesacre





      Well last night, my dad and i were trying to fix this crappy norton program we have on our computer, so that it would stop blocking me out of blogger. Mom was yelling about how "there's nothing blocked!" and finally dad had to tell her to shutup because yes, when we turned the program off, i could sign in, but when the program was on, i couldn't. So very cleary, we had a case of mct (mother's computer tyranny) on our hands. It finally ended with her mumbling to herself about how nobody loves her in this house and the usual theatrics. Honestly, no one would ever believe me about how f-ed up my family is unless they saw it for themselves. Which they never do.

      Anyways as you can see, I am on blogger right now, which mostly likely means that I am a genius and my mom is crying in her room. Damnit, Joel keeps calling me a dork. I think he's trying to hurt my feelings. Little does he know, I don't have any. Mwahahahhahaa.
music. this is how it goes - billy talent