my life without me

Sunday, May 23, 2004

I want to write a book. Kind of like an autobiography, except I'll make it really funny too. I'll just talk about random stuff that's happened to me and growing up and stuff. I really want to do this. I woul try to get it published and everything. That would be so freakin cool! Hahaha, I can already see it now;

Language for Losers:
the hilarious, yet depressing story of a crazy teenager named tasha

tashalaughs AT 1:00 a.m.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

I got my hair cut. It's really short now. Everyone says I look like a boy. Matty likes it hahaha, Dan liked it I think. Certain other people didn't! But whatever. I have so much work to do. I can't wait till school's done... then I'm gonna do something completely freakin insane.

The Wretched

Just a reflection
Just a glimpse
Just a little reminder
Of all the what abouts
And all the might have
Could have beens
Another day
Some other way
But not another reason to continue
And now you’re one of us
The wretched

The hopes and prays
The better days
The far aways
Forget it

It didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, did it

Now... you know...
THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
Now... you know...
THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

The clouds will part and the sky cracks open
And God himself will reach his fucking arm through
Just to push you down
Just to hold you down
Stuck in this hole with the shit and the piss
And it’s hard to believe it could come down to this

Back at the beginning
Sinking
Spinning
And in the end
We still pretend
The time we spend
Not knowing when
You’re finally free
And you could be

But it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to
It didn’t turn out quite the way you wanted it

Now... you know...
THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

You can try to stop it but it keeps on coming
You can try to stop it but
music. the wretched - nin

tashalaughs AT 10:56 a.m.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

      You're such a liar and a fake. You're completely different to me than you are to everyone else. You tell me something different than what you tell everyone else. To me, your life is completely different from what it actually is. You have no problem pretending to be someone you're not around me. And it hurts so freaking much and it makes me so angry. I almost think I hate you sometimes. That's what happens when you make my life a living hell TIME AND TIME AGAIN. You know who you are.

      AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! Life is a fucking joke.

      If D.O. ever pulls anything again, that's it. It'll be done and over with. That's my promise to myself. If he ever hurts me again like that, then we're finished.
music. story of the year

tashalaughs AT 2:54 p.m.

Monday, May 03, 2004

      I know I haven't written in awhile, and maybe some of you are dying to know about Prom... but I doubt it. No one reads this anyways. I decided to mostly stop writing in here... people make too much of a big deal out of everything I say.

      I'm told to say what's on my mind, not to keep it in. I can't SAY it, so I write it, and I get crap for it. So, from now on, I'm going to write it down in a real journal... something I haven't done since last year. At least there, no one's going to harass me about what I think or say.

      On another note, I hate school. So much. I don't get this stupid program. I'm so sick of it. For some reason, I've had the most emotional two days. I feel like crying right now, I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH SCHOOL. I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of life in general. It's so frigging pathetic.

      Here, I can't say anymore about what I'm thinking, because someone who reads it will ultimalty get annoyed. Although, what I just wrote will probably piss them off anyways, I'll never hear the end of it. Screw Life.

      Oh, one other thing. Ok, Jon Mark from camp? Nice guy. He's got his little webpage to say what he wants. I've got this. And the he freakn bashes anyone who writes in this. It's sad how unaccepting he is of anything different. But like I said, nice guy.

      Ouch, now I'm going to get a rant about how people don't say stuff to people's faces. Or would that be hyprocritical? That's all. That's my rant.