What happened today? Well I saw The Passion of the Christ. I'll talk about it some other time... and it happened again, had to call the cops again. He's not home yet, so I dunno if he'll be home tonight at all.

      How do you deal with someone who says that they want to kill themselves, and if they do, it'll be my fault and I'll feel guilty, and the blood will be on my hands? I think I'm going to be physically sick.





      Something bad just happened. I can't really say what, but it was so harsh... I had to call the cops, and now one of my best friends is going to hate me, but I'm really only trying to help... please God, let him be ok... I can't handle this... I won't be able to see him for at least a week probably, I can't take this, I have to see him right now, I'm so worried about him. I had to keep him on the phone until they came, I feel so horrible. I won't be able to live with myself if he never wants to speak to me again... I hope he's not scared or mad or hurt... It's just like... when he needs someone the most, I can't be there...

      I can't believe this is happening... I can't beleive I just called the cops... this is not happening. I feel like I betrayed him somehow...





Come What May

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day i'm loving you more than this
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day





      Wow, thing's worked out a lot better and quicker than I thought they would. Yea, so we ended up hanging out cause he got home only a few hours later and wasn't mad at all... actually kinda greatful, and his parents were actually thanking me... it was... weird. But yea, I'm glad it worked out, and now he's gonna get some help, I am so glad to have such an awesome friend like him :)





      Here's some important countdowns for Tasha: Prom - 60 Days, Spring Break - 17 Days!





      I was just talking to Nathan :) on MSN... oh man, as usual we were talking about him beating up his brothers and Saskia... and then him beating up me (actually me beating up him) which has always been a favourite past time topic.
So yea, then we got onto him beating his kids... (nobody take this the wrong way) hahaha :P And yea, I had to all remember to say "your kids" and "your wife" and *sigh*. Yea, that's about it. (Cough cough, our kids, me, yea, the good old days) Excuse me while I go drown in hopefulness... Ok, yea... people read this so all I can say is: "I missssss him!!" (said in a whiny sort of way)





      Ok, so Alyssa and I just got back from playing tennis for 3 hours up at Beban Park. We played with Vanalee, Yasmine, and another exchange student. It was really fun, so now Alyssa and I are gonna play a lot more over at Divers Lake. Ooh, my arm, wrist, and leg really hurt... BUT it was a lot of fun, so I'm good. Anyways, now I'm going to go clean my room cause I haven't done it in forever and it smells. Seriously now.





      Hehehe, I love him :) I wonder if he knows that I love him? Hehehe, well I do :P A lot :D <3 Nathan <3





      Well... Kayley and my Dad are still in Tofino, my Mom's at work, Alyssa's going out to play tennis, Dan's gone to Courtney for this new work stuff he's doing, and no one interesting is on MSN.

      It's only like two months until prom... Ahhh! I just checked the calandar and it's two months and a day until prom! Yayy! Alyssa says I should start tanning in March... I wouldn't but I have tanning minutes left from last year heh heh heh... in the ultra bed! I'm gonna get perty! Well... most likely not, but I need to do crunches soon cause I have a tummy and my dress is tiny and yea. I'm obsessed and I have a hot date, so I'm going to be the envy of everything there haha, not that it matters... hahaha :P

      Yea, so I'm bored as you might have guessed. I'm sitting here in the beautiful sunshine listening to music, wearing my new clothes... and that's about it. I wish someone was here so I could go for a walk! (cough cough Nathan) Maybe he'll go to Jaryds for Spring Break and I can just so happen to go boarding the same day he does... although I wanna go like everyday during Spring Break anyways cause I love boarding so much, and I've only been up four times I think.

      I wish it was warm enough outside to lie on the trampoline. Hehehe, I wanna buy a new bathing suit too hehehe :) Plus I wish I could talk to Nathan. I've got all these songs on MSN that remind me of him, and when it's sunny like this, it reminds me of last summer with him, which was amazing!

      Hahaha, Alyssa's listening to the same song I am downstaires. Now she's looking for her tennis racket. I wish I could rollerblade or something fun. I don't even have a bike... I should teach myself to skateboard... I've always wanted to do that hahaha, I already know I suck... but I think Kayley has one around here somewhere.

      Man, it's still winter but it feels so much like summer! I love this weather! Oh man, it would be such a beautiful day to go snowboarding! It would be such a beautiful day to see Nathan! Everyday would be a beautiful if I could see him! I feel like going out on the street and standing in the sun... maybe I will :D





      Well, I went out shopping today with Dan. I got a pair of white cords and a short jean skirt from Urban planet, and a girly black off the shoulder shirt from Bootlegger. It's so girly, I scare myself. Really. I think I'm a shop-a-holic. Then we had Subway and had to go cause Dan was gonna be late for work. We were looking for clothes for him too, but he didn't like any of my ideas and it's kinda hard to find pants for someone who's what? 6'6 or something? Probably more.
I just had a grilled cheese sanwhich and now I'm really craving a chocolate milk. Anyways, he's gonna come over for a bit after work and help me with homework... so I think I might go and meet him there so I can go for a walk.
Anyways, that's about all I did today. No school tomorrow thankfully. I still haven't talked to Nathan yet, and I don't think he has a Pro-D day tomorrow... erg he's never online.





      Dan came over yesterday after I finally woke up around three. We hung out and gave me this cool little bird tattoo on my shoulder haha, my mom freaked out as usual. Um, we made green pancakes and they were good, and then we messed around with the camera and went to the store and got batteries and CHOCOLATE MILK!! Then he spent the rest of the time doing some girl's homework. Oh right, and I "spiked" his hair using every hair product I own. It looked quite cool... maybe I should be a hairdresser! Blah blah blah, I didn't go to church this morning and I think I'm going to the mall later to buy this sweet skirt and shirt and wheee!!
Erg, Nathan's never on, and I don't suppose I can call him yet. Maybe.





      Ok, I just walked in from the all nighter last night, and my mom tells me Dan called, then she goes off about how I've treated him. And I was like, "What, he said all this?" And it was horrible stuff too. I almost cried. Turns out it was all what she thought. MOM, WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU POSSIBLY KNOW!? NOTHING!! She said, "And Dan thought you were taking him to prom." Um, well no actually mom, I made it very clear that I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go to prom myself. Several people asked me to go, and I said I wasn't thinking about it then. SO FRIGGIN MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. You know nothing about me.

      Frick Mom, the things you said that were actually right, I ALREADY KNOW, OK? I know, and I beat the crap out of myself for it already. I don't need you laying into me that I'm "stupid and gullible" again. STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS. You never made an attempt to get to know Nathan, you just decided you didn't like him because he "hurt me." Well, guess what? I'm not like you. I don't hold grudges, and I don't just go around hating people I don't know. I'm sorry that I can't help who I love, and you've decided I have to love who you want me to. It doesn't work that way. You don't know anything about me or my friends, you try to make it seem like my friends all hate me. I'M GLAD that I KNOW I'll NEVER turn into you.





      I severely dislike my mother. She just said, "Tasha, you're so gullible, how could you be stupid enough to still like Nathan." She just randomly hates people she doesn't even knew. Screw her. What the hell... that makes me so angry.

      Mother, you never had any interest in my life. You always pretending to be the perfect mother whenever you were around other people. You never cared what I did with my life. It was always "I don't care about anything as long as you get straight A's"

      Get the good marks or you'll ground me right? I'm so sick of it. You have never made any effort to get to know me in 17 and a half years. Don't pretend you know my friends or my relationships with other people. You really have no clue.

      You asked me "How can you be stupid enough to want to be with someone who just makes you cry?"

      Mom, I came to you so exicted, because I thought maybe you would care about something other than school for once. And you just ignored me. Don't pretend to be the good mother when you think you're saving me from myself.
If you don't care when I'm happy, then stop pretending to care period. A mother knows and cares about her daughter's life. You do not know me the way you think you do. And that's not my fault. I tried to tell you things that were happening and you just never cared.

      If I ever ask for one thing from you, it's that you never tell me that I'm turning into you.





      I hate it when something really good happens, and something really bad happens too. I'm not sure which to put more emphasis on, cause I don't want to downplay the other. So, good news or bad news first?
Good news? Alright. Well, I talked to Nathan on MSN last night and he pretty much asked me to my own Prom... which is awesome. I'm sure you probably get the point that I'm slightly elated. Yea, I started crying, I'm reatarded haha :P But yea, our chat went really well. I hope he's not reading this haha, he called me Lady again. I... wooo.

      Ok so bad news. The bad news doesn't have names cause I'd feel bad. Um long story short, I hurt someone really bad... and somehow it ended well that night and I'm not really sure what's going on there right now. But I'm happy, and I hope so and so can deal... so and so's a cool person, an awesome friend like no other. One I never ever deserve, but is my friend anyways. People like that are the best.

      Well, the bell's about to go, and I have Civ... so I better save this and go find Franelle. (J-Van) I really really really hate feeling like such a jerk.





      Janelle told me about this song, and I'd probably heard it before, but I'd never actually paid attention to the lyrics. So this song is perfect for one person, and he'll know who he is in the first line :)

Right Here Waiting

Oceans apart day after day,
And I slowly go insane,
I hear your voice on the line,
But it doesn't stop the pain...

If I see you next to never,
How can we say forever?

Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes,
Or how my heart breaks,
I will be right here waiting for you.

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow.
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears,
But I can't get near you now...

Oh, can't you see it baby,
You've got me goin' crazy!

Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes,
Or how my heart breaks,
I will be right here waiting for you.

I wonder how we can survive
This romance,
But in the end if I'm with you,
I'll take the chance.

Oh, can't you see it baby,
You've got me goin' crazy!

Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes,
Or how my heart breaks,
I will be right here waiting for you.

      So yea, I think that's pretty obvious, and pretty perfect... and *sigh* :)





      Wow... people actually read this, so sometimes I can't say what's going on... but yea, I am SO confused. Oh yea. That's about all I have to say. Whoo, Tasha's a screw-up. That's about it. I miss... stuff. Now I don't understand what happened to our love... but baby, I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna show you what I'm made of!





      Ok, the concert was soo good! Alyssa and I got there about ten minutes late, but then, so did everyone else. We only missed Story of the Year, which was fine cause I've never heard of them so... yea. So then Hoobastank came on and they played some songs and Running Away and everyone knew the words and it was pretty cool. Ok, we had the best seats ever! If we looked under the seats behind us, we could see the hallways beneath the blachers that went to the stage. So we saw Sonny and the rest of POD and we were screaming at them, it was pretty cool. Um... so during POD, we tried to sneak down to the floor via the beer garden. We got that far until we realized that we needed wristbands to get to the floor. But we tried. Alyssa was like showing them the "bruises" on her wrist from getting her band yanked off, haha :) So we went back up to our seats, and saw Linkin Park go through the hall under the bleachers. Man, THEN I was screaming! Hahaha, Alyssa thought I was gonna cry :P So yea, they all ignored us, but I was happy cause I got to see Mike and Chester before they went on stage. It was SWEET!! Alright, so then live, LP is incredible! Like amazing and way better! They did all the songs I wanted to hear... it was soo awesome. The best ones were Numb, Nobody's Listening, Breaking the Habit.and the Pushing Me Away Remix, which is my all time favourite song. So, after they finished, we encored for like ten minutes and they finally came out and did three more songs for us, My December, (which was great) Crawling, and One Step Closer. On One Step, they brought out Sonny and the lead singer of Hoobastank to sing with him. It was INCREDIBLE!! So good... man, it was good. So for the last few songs, Alyssa and I snuck into the VIP boxes on the floor, which were better than the actual floor cause we were way closer! Oh man, I can't get over how awesome LP is live!! Oh, and before they came on, this song way playing that Nathan had showed to me the day before called Something I can Never Have by NIN. Whoo, that made me wish he was there!! He totally would have loved it! It was soo amazing... how many times have I said that now!!? So yea, you get the point ;)





      Well, Alyssa and I are leaving for the concert in less than an hour! I'm so excited! But more importantly than that... guess who I talked to on MSN yesterday? Nathan! It was so so so awesome. Excuse me while I go die of happiness. I haven't been this happy in monnnths. Well, two and a half months to be exact. Anyways, if he's reading this, I'm probably scaring him, so I'll shut up now :) Lalalala, I'm so happy!





      Yea, that's actually a song by Finch. My MSN isn't working right now, so I should probably be doing homework, but my hand hurts from writing a letter. Ok, so guess what came in the mail today!? A letter from Nathan! I uh, started crying before I even opened it. Man, I am so retarded. Anyways, it was really nice, apologizing and explaining everything and I don't really wanna go into detail! Hehehe, so I wrote like a four page letter right back. (this is all snail mail style) So that's why my hand hurts. I wonder if he'll get it before Thursday WHEN I GO TO VANCOUVER FOR THE CONCERT!! Ahh it's so soon! Anyways, so remember when I wrote in here that there was only one way that this month could get any better? It just did :)





      Ahh! My dad just bought me and Alyssa tickets to go to the Meteora tour! Linkin Park, POD, and Hoobastank! Oh my gosh! I'm so excited, it's on the 12th! That's next Thursday! Ok, so we WERE gonna go tandem sky diving, but we can do that anytime, and Linkin Park hasn't been to Vancouver since like 1999. So yea! Decent seats... they were like over $50 each, but oh, it'll be worth it. Maybe we'll crowd surf and get groped. Hahaha, oh man, ok nevermind, sky diving is back on! Yes, ok so on the 17th, which is Alyssa's 16th birthday, I'm going to jump out of a plane at 10,000 feet, strapped to someone I don't know. Oh my gosh, this is the best month of my entire life. I can only think of one thing that would make it better...





      Man, I gotta take control of my life and start caring about myself and what I'm doing. I need to do something real... no more of this meaningless crap. I think I'll start off by doing something I love, like snowboarding.