I hate second hand information... why can't I just talk to him... why is this about everyone instead of about just him and me? Why does EVERYONE know!? I feel like my life is this open book for mockers and fake pity. So the second hand news. "He doesn't think he really likes her because he still loves you... he thinks he's just rebounding." REBOUNDING FROM WHAT!!? He dumped me! He can have me back in a second... yes, I know I've screwed myself over royally... I HATE REBOUNDS!! Hey, I dug myself a hole! I am probably making sense to very few people right now, but I really don't care... I just need to get to the bottom of this. EEERRR, nothing is making sense right now and I am about to hurt someone.





      Nathan has a new girlfriend. I guess they've been together for a while, while it was still him and me. I feel really hurt and betrayed and I feel nothing... I feel angry and stupid for not seeing it and I feel like crying, but I feel numb, and I don't know what to feel. And I don't want any stupid comments telling me to feel better. I just want to write this. Not to tell you, to tell me, to tell Nathan that I love you, I hate you, you hurt me. You hurt me so bad. You can't have loved me, cause if you did, you wouldn't have hurt me and you wouldn't have lied to me. I just want to know why. I want to know why her and not me. I would have waited forever for you, and you said I could. Why did you say that? Why were you using me? I feel like I did something wrong. I feel like nobody could love me cause you can't. You never did. Why are you doing this to me? Don't you know how I feel. Don't you understand? I love you. I loved you more than anything. I mean that. More than anything. Why did you give me that necklace? Why did you kiss me? Why did you hold my hand? Why did you fall asleep next to me? Why did you use me? Please be reading this. I need you to read this. I need you to know. And I need you to tell me why. Please please please tell me I'm dreaming and none of this is real. Please make it stop hurting and tell me it's gonna be ok. It has to be ok. I just need you to tell me.





      I just started crying for no reason... I feel like dying. I hate this, I hate it! I hate everything! Why does everything have to hurt so much, and why did you have to go away and leave me here, and why am I so selfish, but I'm not... cause really, I just love you so damn much that everything I do hurts me. I hate writing this. I don't want anyone but you to read it. But it's so hard to be away from you. Just LEAVE ME ALONE. I'm not who you think I am. This doesnt make any sense and I don't care, nothing makes sense right now. I just really need you here and that's all. I just need you here so bad and then everything will be ok. ONE THING and it would be ok, I would be fine, I wouldn't feel this. YOU'RE CONFUSING ME! I can't stop, I don't know what to feel or what to do and you won't even talk to me. I just love you so much I don't know what to do anymore... you were the only one left I could depend on, I could trust myself with and now you're gone and I don't know what to do...





      I worked so hard and bugged my manager to get some time off at New Years so I could go to Mission. I finally got it off today and K tells me I can't go. I want to die, I want to hurt something. I think I have anger issues. I'm really so pissed off right now. I'm going to Mission somehow, even if I have to sleep on the street.

      Don't you know by now, don't you know by now, this is what we are, this is what we are.





      Those girl baboon's bums go red when they want to attract a mate. Maybe I've got a red bum and that is why I attracted Dave the Laugh and accidently snogged him! Oh I am a shameless red-bottomed vixen! I have fallen for the red herring! It's time for me to become... a shameless boy magnet!
But first I have to get Libby's pooey knicker's out of my bed.
And put on some lippy.

-Angus, thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging
-On the Bright Side, I'm now the Girlfriend of a Sex God!
-Knocked out by my Nunga Nungas!
by Louise Rennison





      Hello chums, I've decided to post some random poetry *moans* NO! BUT WAIT! This is exciting cause it's funny in a Tasha-funny kind of way. Ok, I know it's not funny, it's only funny cause I think it's funny. So laugh on chums, because I'm laughing. Go forth and choke on Alphagetties! Oh there we are! I've decided to name this random batch of poetry... and all random poetry: Choking on Alphagetties. Be stunned at my amazmament chums, for I really am quite stupendenous at being an idiot. Laugh on says Tash-the-Laugh! (Tasha the L!)

Choking on Alphagetties

Dangerous game
Green salad of my youth
Eats me!
Eat!
Eat!
Eat!
Mmm.

Nonsense Chaotic
Teddy Bear's Picnic
Feeds Me
Hate
Love
Beef Stew
Feed me.
Yes.

Pants of my childhood
In my mansion
Safely hiding
I am.
Nothing.

(This is about a Teddy bear on Pajama Day at school)
The Bear
It watches me
Undressing me
Yes
Yes
Fur.
COME FORTH.
Love me.
In all your brown.

Hair
Fly my pretty.
For I am
Raviolli
In your bowl.
COME FORTH
And eat my alphabet.

Beard.
Give me freedom
THE PEACH!
THE PEACH!
COME FORTH!
And love me.
And be eaten.
That is all.

      Well, that was slightly hilarire, wasn't it chums. Now I know I'm not using real words at the moment chums, but really it doesn't matter in the long run. Perhaps I will post my more mature poems later (haha)
Snog ya later!





      Hey. I wrote this poem this morning and It just came out in the end, something completely different than what I started with. I wrote it backwards, not intentionally, but sometimes I think you need to start at the end to see where something began.

Playing Hard to Get

It's stupid and it's reckless,
It's something I would do,
Saying something careless,
To watch it get to you.

I don't know what I'm doing,
Bringing up the past,
I know I'm hurting you,
But I'm scared that we won't last.

I feel so out of control,
There's nothing you can do,
I'm looking for reassurance,
To know you love me too.

When did this happen,
When you ran so far away,
I had to say no,
When you asked if I would be okay.

It's like we traded places,
I was you and you were me,
I know it's all my fault,
Cause you were the best that you could be.

But I never tried hard enough,
It was to myself I lied,
I took your love for granted,
And that night I died inside.

It's the game I'm playing,
Get ready, go, get set,
It's so completely backwards,
Playing hard to get.





      It's over, and I am so sorry for the things I did to make you jealous or mad or angry, I can't help but think that somehow all those things led up to this, I can't help but think this is all my fault, and yet I'm so proud of you, and I'm the one hurting, and I feel so selfish for making this my pain. And I feel horibble for how I feel and the thoughts I have, all the stupid stuff I think. But I'm so proud of you. You are my best friend, and I love you so much and I will wait for you as long as I have to. I don't know if you'll ever see this, but thanks for letting me be your baby.

      This hurts so much...